I'd ask for forgiveness for letting so much time pass between blog posts, but I don't think many people read this blog. Instead, my plan will be to write something, anything, in order to break the silence. It's not that I haven't jotted words down or done anything at all in the last year or even longer, but I can't really call stumbling over the keyboard here and there or producing a sentence or two writing. So, yeah, I've let things slide and not just with writing.
The end of July will mark the one-year anniversary of my mom's passing. Anyone who knew her understands what an extraordinary woman she was. I was her caretaker right up until she passed and wish I could have done a better job with everything. I'm sure there are people who do far worse, but I know I could have been a better daughter overall, though she always told people I was amazing and wonderful and all kinds of great. I know in my heart I'm not. She wasn't herself the last year or two, but she was, as always, beautiful and wise, even as she lost some of her mental capacity due to tumors in her brain. I haven't fully processed my feelings over everything, so I'll leave it at that and shove the sadness and grief I feel down for now.
Since then, I've moved to a very small apartment and continue working at a vet clinic in reception. The job is as hard as ever but also rewarding. It's fast-paced and sometimes overwhelming. My favorite time is when everything is caught up, and I can focus on little side projects. My least favorite time is when it's crazy busy, people are calling and in the lobby, and it seems we will never catch up with the duties that need to be completed. Fortunately, my coworkers are all very helpful where they can be, and the environment, while stressful, is a healthy one.
I've worked a couple 10+ hour shifts, and it's a struggle to recover. I'm glad most of the longer shifts I've worked have been on a Friday, leaving the entire weekend to relax, though relaxing isn't my most successful activity, unless I'm sleeping, which I do a lot of. Otherwise, I'm way down deep in the OCD routines, leaving very little time or energy to be social, which is difficult for me anyway because I tend to not like being around people, even those I like.
Yesterday, I was about to go for a jog or wobble around the block -- that's about all I can do lately because of the high hamstring and foot issues -- when I saw a wee little baby bunny that didn't look quite right. When I got up closer, I could see there was a piece of a label, probably from a packaged product, stuck in its fur on its backside. I got very close, but it eventually ran into the bushes. I waited but finally gave up and felt terrible knowing I could have helped this little (so smol!!) guy out but failed. In the afternoon, I was still fretting about it, so I went out again to search for it and found the wee little thing in the grass. This time, I was able to very slowly get right up to it and finally pulled off the label! It might not seem like much, but it felt good knowing I helped make one little creature more comfortable in the world.
I don't have a whole lot more to report. I've been very glad to read Sarah Barker's Substack posts. She's very thorough in addressing trans athletes in women's sports. I've also been glad to see individuals on Let's Run take on David Roche. It's not the first time Let's Run has dedicated many pages to flaying the mock modest coach/athlete. Ross Tucker and Mike Finch also mentioned him and also addressed the NIKE sub-four spectacle in a recent podcast episode that's worth a listen.
I don't follow running a whole lot anymore. The sport is such a joke at this point that it might as well be called the enhanced games. With so many athletes in general admitting they cheat, you can imagine how many more there are who keep quiet about it. And it's at all levels, including high school. Anyone who thinks an athlete who hasn't been caught is clean isn't thinking clearly. This is especially true when it comes to ultras with rules that state exactly when an athlete could possibly be tested. And with the use of masking agents and micro-doping plus easier access to products, it's almost a given that the majority of top athletes are cheating.
Well, sigh. I know this is short and probably not so sweet, but I wanted to post something to say I'm still here, even though there are days I wish I weren't.
To end on a brighter note, I have read some very good books lately. I don't read a ton and haven't been working on my novel, but I have a Goodreads account with the more recent books I've read listed. I would say that "The Patient" was one of the better picks, and I'm surprised I like Karen Slaughter's books. I'm not sure why I thought her writing wouldn't be to my liking. Of course, Stephen King remains one of my all-time favorites, and I'm in the middle of "The Stand" while also tackling Jo Nesbo's "The Snowman". Neither is for the faint of heart.
Wishing everyone well, if anyone ends up reading this.
