It also seems that the world is filling up with more arrogant people, and this diminishes my desire to participate in life. If I were religious, I might point to signs of the coming of Al-Massih ad-Dajjal. Fortunately, I tend to attribute these omens more to the imbalance and greed that capitalism tends to create and the increasing lack of social responsibility those at the top, whether in the media or in congress, have than to anything religious. I'm lucky that I have had a few opportunities to surround myself with passionate people who tend to give my sagging motivation a boost when needed, though.
I'm horribly out of shape, but I can't get over how sick I was. For two months, I was dragging myself around, and, during one of those months, I had some kind of super flu/cold thing that left me coughing, feverish and wanting to sleep for 18 hours a day. The tests from the hospital came back negative, but I heard other people with this same illness were out of commission for over a month, too. Just as I'm feeling better, I'm facing round three with my foot. Fortunately, the procedure I will get this week is not full surgery, more of an out-patient affair that won't leave me down for too long. Maybe once my foot is in working order, I can begin to train again. In the meantime, jogging 44 or 55 minutes has been my super-duper long "run" maximum. Sigh.
Even though I probably "shouldn't" feel this way, I hate asking people for favors. Even asking for my shifts at work to be covered was an effort, not because anyone wouldn't consider working but because I simply hate asking anyone for anything. I have also decided to take a cab home from the doctor instead of asking anyone for a ride. It makes me realize that part of the reason I was struggling so much with this illness was because I couldn't seem to get people to understand what I needed. Guilt is a bitch. I felt guilty for admitting that I really needed to stay in bed, so I didn't. There's this weird feeling that I don't want to owe anyone anything, too. I ended up fighting my desire to rest and went to work, met with people and tried to go on with my life as if nothing was wrong. I should have just said fuck it and slept for three days straight, taken a week off work and been done with it. A few times I got sent home, because I looked terrible and my fever was showing. Clearly I need to work on stating what I need more clearly and adamantly.
Because I'm struggling with what I want to say and how I want to say it, I will just offer another video. This one is strange, no doubt. The animation is fantastic, though, and it's packed with all kinds of symbolism. Look closely at background images. It's a total trip.
One last thing, Boulder Youth Body Alliance will be ceasing operations later this year. This is very sad news.