The other day I caught a bit of the live broadcast of the hackathon taking place in Colorado. It got me thinking about DIY media, of course, both the pros and the cons. The great thing about DIY media is that anyone can be a blogger, author, podcaster, DJ or journalist. That's also the bad thing about DIY anything.
Aside from the distraction of a really nice dinner with a good friend at Riffs in Boulder and an OK run in the warmer weather that has since dropped out of sight, I've been struggling in all areas. When it gets this bad, I start to ask the big questions. Still searching for a purpose, I seem to be drifting, too lost in thought to write much, too tired and hurt to run much and too afraid to change much, I settle for all-out mediocrity. Long gone are my days of going for it. It all seems so fucking pointless. Not only is my confidence shaken in all areas of my life, I'm struck, like a frying pan to the face moment, with just how absurd it is to try. Why write when you know you will never even come close to writing like the best? Why run when 7-minute pace suddenly seems impossible? What's left? Sleep. Sleep and mindlessly getting through the day: work, eat, sleep, sleep more, wake up and wish it would end. I'm fucking tired. I've had enough.
I sometimes wish I could turn off my mind. I watch bits and pieces of the Monsantogate story unfold and wonder if Orwell could have predicted something similar and how his tale would have ended. The world seems so very fucked up.
How depressing. I feel a blog post brewing, but I haven't decided what direction to take it. Until I'm more fully out of this funk, I think I will go back into hibernation.
Enjoy this while I'm gone: