Running and Other Things

Since I have been doing more podcasts, I have let my writing slide.

It has been forever since I even mentioned running. I basically limped my way through the last few years, but I'm finally getting to the bottom of things. Thanks to the help of some good doctors, physical therapists and friends, I can do some jogging without too much pain. Well, that's relative, but it hurts less. It doesn't feel perfect, but I'm glad I can get outside again. Of the three surgeries I am a good candidate for, I'm only considering one at the moment, and that's only if other measures don't work. I've ruled out a hysterectomy, hip surgery and am putting off minor foot surgery for now. I feel good about my decisions, mostly because I think surgery isn't something to rush into, even if doctors "strongly suggest" getting it done as soon as possible, at least not with these kinds of things. Going for a third opinion for my hip issue made things much more clear in my mind, so I'm glad I didn't jump onto the cutting board.

On an unrelated note...

Sometimes when life gets weird, it's hard to know how to address certain issues, if at all. My tendency is to want to ignore others when they act in unscrupulous ways, but sometimes ignoring incidents leaves me with the sense that justice isn't being served. If I try to write out one particular situation, the whole thing seems trivial and downright silly, very junior high, but because it involves someone who appears to be unstable or at least incredibly inconsistent, it leaves me slightly on edge. I won't go into detail and apologize for being vague, but I don't want to give this series of events much attention or energy. It's not worth it. Sometimes when a person has a history of lying, manipulating and meddling, even in the lives of people she or he barely knows, it's best to shut that door hard and quickly back away. Give someone enough rope...well, you know the rest.

It's odd that just after someone in my life came to me about an issue going on with his online stalker, a different friend of mine was accused by a recent ex of doing things he never did. The former situation is the silly one that nobody really cares about, except that it's slightly annoying when you know the truth behind certain events and see someone determined to try to convince others that something far from real is going on, but in the latter situation, my friend has been forced to give up a lot because of one person's false accusations. I remember another incident that happened a few years ago. In a fit of anger and rage, one of my friend's ex girlfriends egged his house and keyed his car. I'm not sure what this accomplished. She claimed she still loved him at the time.

One of the worst stories I know about relating to sheer spite happened years ago to a lady I know. Her abusive ex almost cost her a job, her license, her reputation and a lot of money when he tried to convince the people she worked for that she had done things she never did. Fortunately, nobody believed him and knew he had pulled stunts like this in the past. My friend found a lawyer to represent her. It's good to have friends or family members who are lawyers. I sat in on the trial, and the ex showed his true colors by interrupting the judge more than a few times to blurt out defamatory and irrelevant comments. The judge was not impressed and quickly put him in his place. My friend was fine in the end, but people like her ex are scary.

While I understand hurt, anger and regret, I don't get the desire for revenge or public shaming, especially if it's aimed at someone who tried to help you or you were supposedly in love with. The exception is when revenge simply means doing as well as you can in life, the "success is the best revenge" type thing. That I get, except if you try to rub people's nose in it, which isn't nice. In general, I can't quite figure out why people waste so much time plotting, stalking and spending time and energy on "getting back" at someone for simple rejection.

I have found that the best approach with people who thrive on spreading lies, poking the bees and flinging crap is to take the high road and keep coming back to yourself. As much as you can, ignore anyone who is dead set on filling the world with toxicity. Take steps to protect yourself, especially if the person lives near you. Mostly, remind yourself that you know who you are, and your friends and family know what kind of person you are. Anyone who is spending loads of time indirectly or directly ripping on you in public or in private isn't worth your time. That's gotta be a sad, sad life to lead, full of resentment, anger and hate. 

As for my friend who was recently forced to give up his charity work because of one woman's lies, he has all the support he needs to deal with this unhinged individual and the awful situation she created. I'm sure he will get through this just fine no matter what his ex does next, but it's unfair that people who are in the wrong and know it often temporarily come out on top. My feeling is that the truth will eventually surface, and even if it doesn't in any satisfactory way, he will be able to move forward without any trouble. Honesty goes a long way. If you contradict yourself every time you open your mouth or put words out in the world, nobody will be able to trust you. 

My last piece of advice is stating the obvious, but be careful when meeting people online. 

May 23 2015 published actual date.

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Update

It looks like I have let this blog go. I'm hoping to breathe some new energy into it at some point soon. Much of my free time is being used to work on existing projects and start new ones. If all goes well, I will be adding an audio portion to this blog, but this is an idea that's still in the works.

One of the other projects I was working on recently has come to a close. It's called the Luscious Legacy Project, run by Sue Ann Gleason, founder of the blog Chocolate for Breakfast, whom I have mentioned before. It was good for me to take part in this event, and I was very happy to be involved with a supportive and kind group. I went into the program expecting to work on my writing skills. While that did occur, most of us also uncovered a lot of emotions and memories through the process. While at times it was challenging, it also ended up being a healing and enjoyable experience. I am happy to report that this was one of the best things I could have done for myself, and it's a lot cheaper than therapy!

In the last few months, I was hit pretty hard with a bout of depression. When I get like this, I tend to sit back and think, maybe a little too deeply, about the ways of the world. The darkness seems to be lifting. Lately, though, I'm in shock at how cruel, messed up and strange people can be. This is especially true when it comes to how people behave online. It seems the more we remove the human element, the more people feel justified in the horrible things they do and say. More and more, I feel the need to step away from the computer screen, just to get a dose of normalcy. Of course people are not always nice in real life, and, as I pointed out above, people can be full of kindness online too. Still, I find comfort in dealing with people face to face. It's upsetting and very strange to me how some people thrive on callous and underhanded online behavior: stalking, starting rumors, writing cruel comments, calling people names and more. Don't they have better things to do?

A friend of mine and I got to talking about a recent incident involving a chocolate shop that quickly presented a personal matter online in a blog post that was not exactly fact checked. In the post, the author called out another company, claiming this big corporation was trying to step on the little one when, in fact, the big company was merely following standard procedure in protecting its business.

I admit that I was looking at the situation from an emotional standpoint. I also assumed that the little company may have misinterpreted and misrepresented what the larger company was doing, because it didn't make sense to me that this larger company would suddenly threaten and lash out at a shop that carries its chocolate. Anyone not following the story closely was bound to jump to some inaccurate conclusions and immediately take the side of the small company. It was all right there in an open letter, after all. This did not sit well with me. I knew there was more to the story.

My friend looked at the situation as something businesses simply do. It's a shady but effective way to get attention and support, because nobody will pay much attention to any retraction or corrections down the road. This is exactly what happened. A retraction was was presented in a blog post the very next day. "Oopsie, I made a mistake!" People will focus on and remember the first claim, even if it's proven wrong later. So a big buzz was created, and nobody really responded to the correction and admission of the oops moment. Success.

The unfortunate thing is that many people responded with a lot of hatred toward the larger company the day the first open letter was posted. The owner of the big company posted a thoughtful and kind response on facebook, explaining what was really going on, but this didn't stop people. Most of the comments on the facebook post were atrocious, even though it was clear that the small shop owner had misrepresented what was happening. People should be ashamed, but they aren't. Any how many of them do you think apologized after the correction? I can't imagine how messed up the people who toss out such hurtful and cruel comments must be. I don't even want to know.

My choice is to support the larger company by continuing to buy their products as I always have. I had already stopped  being a customer of the smaller one for various reasons, but I really hate to see this kind of thing happen.

On to better things.

Stay tuned for upcoming posts. If all goes well, I will be presenting some audio segments that deal with eating disorders, recovery, women's issues, running and training in the next few weeks.