Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Running and Other Things

Since I have been doing more podcasts, I have let my writing slide.

It has been forever since I even mentioned running. I basically limped my way through the last few years, but I'm finally getting to the bottom of things. Thanks to the help of some good doctors, physical therapists and friends, I can do some jogging without too much pain. Well, that's relative, but it hurts less. It doesn't feel perfect, but I'm glad I can get outside again. Of the three surgeries I am a good candidate for, I'm only considering one at the moment, and that's only if other measures don't work. I've ruled out a hysterectomy, hip surgery and am putting off minor foot surgery for now. I feel good about my decisions, mostly because I think surgery isn't something to rush into, even if doctors "strongly suggest" getting it done as soon as possible, at least not with these kinds of things. Going for a third opinion for my hip issue made things much more clear in my mind, so I'm glad I didn't jump onto the cutting board.

On an unrelated note...

Sometimes when life gets weird, it's hard to know how to address certain issues, if at all. My tendency is to want to ignore others when they act in unscrupulous ways, but sometimes ignoring incidents leaves me with the sense that justice isn't being served. If I try to write out one particular situation, the whole thing seems trivial and downright silly, very junior high, but because it involves someone who appears to be unstable or at least incredibly inconsistent, it leaves me slightly on edge. I won't go into detail and apologize for being vague, but I don't want to give this series of events much attention or energy. It's not worth it. Sometimes when a person has a history of lying, manipulating and meddling, even in the lives of people she or he barely knows, it's best to shut that door hard and quickly back away. Give someone enough rope...well, you know the rest.

It's odd that just after someone in my life came to me about an issue going on with his online stalker, a different friend of mine was accused by a recent ex of doing things he never did. The former situation is the silly one that nobody really cares about, except that it's slightly annoying when you know the truth behind certain events and see someone determined to try to convince others that something far from real is going on, but in the latter situation, my friend has been forced to give up a lot because of one person's false accusations. I remember another incident that happened a few years ago. In a fit of anger and rage, one of my friend's ex girlfriends egged his house and keyed his car. I'm not sure what this accomplished. She claimed she still loved him at the time.

One of the worst stories I know about relating to sheer spite happened years ago to a lady I know. Her abusive ex almost cost her a job, her license, her reputation and a lot of money when he tried to convince the people she worked for that she had done things she never did. Fortunately, nobody believed him and knew he had pulled stunts like this in the past. My friend found a lawyer to represent her. It's good to have friends or family members who are lawyers. I sat in on the trial, and the ex showed his true colors by interrupting the judge more than a few times to blurt out defamatory and irrelevant comments. The judge was not impressed and quickly put him in his place. My friend was fine in the end, but people like her ex are scary.

While I understand hurt, anger and regret, I don't get the desire for revenge or public shaming, especially if it's aimed at someone who tried to help you or you were supposedly in love with. The exception is when revenge simply means doing as well as you can in life, the "success is the best revenge" type thing. That I get, except if you try to rub people's nose in it, which isn't nice. In general, I can't quite figure out why people waste so much time plotting, stalking and spending time and energy on "getting back" at someone for simple rejection.

I have found that the best approach with people who thrive on spreading lies, poking the bees and flinging crap is to take the high road and keep coming back to yourself. As much as you can, ignore anyone who is dead set on filling the world with toxicity. Take steps to protect yourself, especially if the person lives near you. Mostly, remind yourself that you know who you are, and your friends and family know what kind of person you are. Anyone who is spending loads of time indirectly or directly ripping on you in public or in private isn't worth your time. That's gotta be a sad, sad life to lead, full of resentment, anger and hate. 

As for my friend who was recently forced to give up his charity work because of one woman's lies, he has all the support he needs to deal with this unhinged individual and the awful situation she created. I'm sure he will get through this just fine no matter what his ex does next, but it's unfair that people who are in the wrong and know it often temporarily come out on top. My feeling is that the truth will eventually surface, and even if it doesn't in any satisfactory way, he will be able to move forward without any trouble. Honesty goes a long way. If you contradict yourself every time you open your mouth or put words out in the world, nobody will be able to trust you. 

My last piece of advice is stating the obvious, but be careful when meeting people online. 

May 23 2015 published actual date.

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