Down time

I Think Sue Ann is right about this!

I'm not blogging much lately. Actually, I'm not doing much online, except mostly work related stuff. Sometimes I need a break from everything, and the time away has allowed me to get a better sense of who I am. I'm still searching, but I'm a bit less lost than I was. The last few weeks have been pretty dark. Facing another surgery has put me in a sad mood. However, this week I returned to the things I love, and I'm feeling better about everything. Everything changed on Thursday when I got absorbed with my volunteer job at the Humane Society. That was the start of things feeling a little better in my world. After that, I went for a pre-op apt, and my doctor was really fucking awesome. He made me feel so much better about everything. So many people assumed I had done too much too soon, but this is really a structural thing. The doc is convinced that either this surgery or, if needed down the road, fusing the bone will allow me to get back to training and racing again. The real turning point in my mood shift was when I spent some time at the local radio station where I volunteer. I guess I feel more in my element there. Nobody judges me or criticizes me in any way. It's just a very safe, very fun place to be, and I always feel better after some time there. I had one last mood lifter for the day when I attended a little party hosted by In Step for the distribution of the women's master's team uniforms. I bought a singlet, just to keep me inspired through all the biking to come.

What was so nice about being at the party, aside from all the free goodies everyone kept handing me, was being around old friends and competitors. I realized that we all struggle with injuries and illnesses. So many of us have come back from some pretty severe surgeries and injuries. It was an honor to be among some super tough ladies. I really hope that I can sport the jersey next year when I step back into running. It's great to be a part of such a supportive bunch of women.

My surgery will be on Dec 2nd. Until then, I'm really trying to get through the days the best I can. I'm still helping my mom as much as possible. I generally stop over twice a day now that I'm not staying with her full time. She's doing really well, all things considered. The nurses told us it will be about six months before she is completely back on her feet. Like all of us in the family, she thinks she *should* be doing more than she is.

This is starting to read like a dull diary entry. I'll shift gears and say that I met Sue Ann Gleason, creator of Chocolate for Breakfast. She stopped in my place of work to say hello. I bought her a few samples of some chocolates I find interesting including some Life Opening Chocolates, Chocolove (it's local and the dark chocolate cherry bar is yummmmmm) and a Theo Bread Chocolate bar. The bread bar is reminiscent of Pain au Chocolat. I borrowed Sue Ann's image, as it is the best Pain au Chocolat image I have seen. It makes me drool. It's so perfectly puffy!

I'm about half way through the three months of no chocolate ordeal. My cravings would probably be lessening if I wouldn't look longingly at the Chocolate for Breakfast website so often. I can't stay away though! Actually, I could. It's amazing how I keep telling myself I can do this or that, because, hell, if I can give up chocolate, I can do almost anything. I guess in this case I choose not to resist the temptation to look at the chocolate images.

Theo Bread & Chocolate bar

Pain au Chocolat

That's all for now. I am feeling very lucky tonight. The more I get out of my head and back into being, the less worried I am. I'll get through this. I know how hard it will be, having gone through it once before, but I'll come out the other end one way or another. I'll be in a cast too, so there's no risk of getting stuck in the shower or anything like last time, though I suppose, knowing me, I could accidentally discover some new and creative way to get stuck. But if all goes well, I'll be wearing that In Step singlet in a race or two this summer.