Lately I've been slacking. I have a foot on my brain. The set-back is all I can think about at the moment, and I'll admit that I'm struggling to manage the pain. What worries me most is that I feel it on the bike, and I've never had an injury that affected me this much. It's hard to tell at this point, but it might be a tiny bit better today. Last night it was to the point where I couldn't really walk and my leg swelled up like a zeppelin. Fun stuff. If it is a pulled muscle, it should start to get better soon.
Last week, Diane Israel and I met to discuss a possible project I might be working on with Suzy Hamilton. It was wonderful to brainstorm with Diane, and I always feel incredibly inspired in her presence. During the interview, she mentioned that she occasionally sees women who are working out and are so obviously anorexic that it's scary. I always cringe when I see this, and in this area, I see it a lot. I hate to admit but it makes me angry too. It must have something to do with having been there at one time or knowing the way society is, realizing that people suffer so much because nobody is taught how to deal with feelings, the world at large and the pressures of our surroundings. The temptation is to want to go up to these types and shake them into realizing what they are doing to themselves. Diane and I know how much life we wasted, and that makes us want to reach out to these people and stop them from making the same mistakes. I know it doesn't work this way, but I wish I could give everyone a magic pill, even though there is no such thing, to help with recovery.
It's interesting, because while talking to Diane about addiction and the compulsive side of over-training, I am forced to look at my situation at the moment. My coach once told me that if you have to question it, you probably haven't crossed the line. The line refers to a point at which life becomes abnormal due to an addiction running you rather than you running your life. I'm still questioning. You know when you cross that line, because it's not fun. Everything becomes about doing rather than experiencing, and once on the other side, life has an unhappy feel to it or it loses its flavor all together. Still, I know I'm having to face some uncomfortable feelings about not being able to do what I want right now. I think the biggest problem is the conflict around exactly how much I can do and what, exactly, I'm dealing with in this situation. I know I'm not anywhere close to over-training, but I also am concerned that I'm feeling frantic with thoughts of having to take it easy or take time off again when I've already taken so much down and easy time. I guess this is all better than how it was in the past. I know that I will get through this, but I'm so reluctant to give up the little exercising I am doing, even when it might be a good idea in the end. The doctor did say to keep walking and biking, but I think he's right that the elliptical machine might be my best bet, even though that doesn't sit well with me. Of course, swimming might be even better for me, but I hate the thought of getting into the cold water. Maybe I can pool run in the hot tub.
I'm just going to be honest here, and say that I'm too distracted by my foot to write much at the moment. I think I'll focus instead on chocolate for a bit. I'll also make this very brief. I'm working on a little side project relating to chocolate, and I am very excited to be getting some samples next week. The samples will be chocolates that I might end up using in this little adventure, and yes, I am being a bit vague. In looking into various products, I have learned so much about chocolate origins, the chocolate making process, marketing and all kinds of little facts relating to both making and selling the stuff. One odd little bit of information I just learned, for example, is that oils from nuts used for decoration or in the item can combine with cocoa butter in the chocolate and eventually make the end product look less appetizing and discolored. Who knew? I'm sort of leaving everyone hanging, but I'll be back to write more once things are more settled in my life.
Other things that make me cringe:
Padded running bras
Overnight Oats in a jar
People who use the word EPIC to describe their coffee date
Finding out my opponent started our scrabble game with a bingo and I have four i's, two e's and and N.
Having to look up a word I know I know but can't define accurately
Having to look up a word I know I don't know and can't define accurately
My sore foot
The way people behave on most reality TV shows
The results of plastic surgery having gone wild
Getting my period twice in one month (again)
Finding cat puke on the chair at 2AM and coming very close to sitting in it
Unfunny jokes and cartoons
Oh! And hypocrites, but everyone cringes at those.