Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Racing

I kind of want to race. I also kind of don't want to race. I got all excited, thinking I could jump into something this week, but then all kinds of things happened, including a drop in my confidence, as I realized just how slow I must be these days. A drop in energy has also occurred. I'm not sure if it's because sleep is lacking or things are hectic, but I'm feeling like I want to nap all day. I have no explanation for the desire to eat every 2 hours, but I'm abnormally hungry and cranky lately. Also, some hardcore PT made my foot so sore that I was limping yesterday. Oddly, today it feels a bit better. Still, I all of a sudden can't put my full weight on it when I attempt toe raisers, so I think running in a crowd probably isn't the best idea this week. I mean, do I do it for the sake of doing it with the idea that it's just a hard workout or do I hold off until I can actually really run hard?  :/  Either way, I have to face the fact that I am out of shape and slow- really slow, and that's never easy. And do I really want anyone else to witness that? On the other hand, I'm running. Despite the incredible stiffness I'm experiencing, the pain and the frustration, I am running.

Sigh. So why do I want more?

5 comments:

  1. Why do you want more? Because as Kendal said recently (and you agreed), you are a warrior. You know there are battles to be fought, and it's against your nature to sit on the sidelines. But you also know this: "The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare." (Juma Ikangaa)

    You will know when the time is right! (I'm waiting for that revelation myself.)

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  2. Thank you so much, Marilyn! I love the quote.

    I'm pretty sure now is not the time for me to be racing, but I keep fighting it. Right now, I don't feel anything like a warrior. I keep hoping that will change though. I think what I said came off wrong, because I wanted to agree with Kendal's statement about recovery and it having to do with a shift in identity, which could also apply here! :)

    While we both wait for the right time, I hope thigns are going well for you. Maybe I'll try a little time trial or timed workout instead of a race first. That would probably be more reasonable.

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  3. Interesting dilemma :) Funnily enough, I *just* read a post by Devon Crosby-Helms on the same issue, namely fighting the emotional need to run a race, knowing that it's not the best or the right thing for you right now! Just from what you've written here, it sounds like now is not the time for you - but picking a goal race in autumn might be possible? It's nice to have the feeling that you're working toward something...of course I don't know if your foot situation allows you to plan in advance.

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  4. P.S. the post I referred to is the most recent one at devoncrosbyhelms.com

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  5. I'll have to check it out. Thank you!
    That's actually a really good idea. So far my foot hasn't allowed me to look very far ahead, but the fall is a little bit down the road. I mean, even if I can attempt to train for something, it would probably be a good thing. Ok- so now to find something fun for the fall. Maybe I can find a hill climb. :D

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