Monday, May 27, 2013


That is my goal this year, to stop fighting EVERYTHING. I'm learning, and I hope I can keep on this path of allowing rather than forcing. Damn, I make life difficult sometimes. Have you ever noticed how everything tends to fall into place when you STOP trying to force things to happen?

I quit quitting, too, for now anyway. Well, I resumed running a little bit and did the same with my writing. So what if I'm a jogger now, and who fucking cares if I'm not the next David Foster Wallace? I found out that when I stop forcing myself to do things, they are more enjoyable. This winter sucked on so many levels, and I got overwhelmed, stressed out and sick, really, really sick. I'm finally feeling better. I'm sure I will have setbacks, but this is my lesson this year: STOP FIGHTING!

For the last few weeks, this one story I was trying to write was making my life miserable. It just wasn't happening. Instead of letting it go for a bit and working on something else, I started fighting it, struggling through painful sentences that were embarrassingly awful and took forever to get out.Today I switched gears and worked on other projects, and WOW! what a difference it made. It helps to have an idea of where the story is going. I can often begin a story and have it lead me to places I didn't expect, but without an idea of how it will end and a general concept, theme or message, it's difficult to get the job done.

The other big thing I need to work on this year is the fear factor. That's one of my biggest issues with running, but I have had tremendous health, energy and emotional blocks related to the sport. It's understandable that fear would surface often when I even think about a run. For now, I'm just trying to get a little bit of consistency without forcing it. If I need an extra day off, so be it. Considering how many days off I took this winter, I'm going to be way ahead, even with any extra down time I take now.

I don't know about racing. I'm very out of shape, and my confidence level is pretty much at zero right now. If all goes well, I might try some structured workouts down the road to get an idea of where I am and whether racing will ever be a possibility again. Right now it's not, but that doesn't mean it will be that way forever. The main thing for me is NOT to force it. If I can race, great. If not, at least I can jog. Shit. I'm lucky I can jog, given all that has happened, plus the fact that I had $0 to spend on PT, rehab or follow up apts. I'm doing this shit by myself.

I'm so incredibly out of the running loop. A million (very slight exaggeration) people ran the Bolder Boulder today, and I went for a trail run in the afternoon. I still can't bring myself to watch that race. It's like some terrible reminder of where I was and all that happened. I get a Pavlovian shock response to it, cringing every time anything related to the Bolder Boulder is mentioned. It's hard to believe that I ran 36:17 on that course. I bet I couldn't even break 50 minutes now. Gah!

Speaking of fighting, while running on the trails today, I saw these two little kids fighting. I don't mean they were arguing, these two were shoving, hitting and making a scene. Of course it's Boulder, so the parent there was ignoring them. At one point, the little girl stepped back and attempted to kick what I assume was her brother. She did a full on I'm going to punt this fucker across the planet effort but missed by a fraction of an inch when he stepped back just as her foot was about to make contact with his chin. Again, the father did nothing. Not my problem, but I predict some trouble in the future of this family.

Saturday, May 25, 2013


A friend and I have compiled quite a list of cover songs. The songs are ones we feel are either better than or at least very different from the originals. If you watch only one video on our list, make it this one that I discovered a little while ago. There's no other way to explain it but to say that it is truly EPIC, and I mean that in all kinds of great and wonderful ways. This is by far the best cover ever created:

The list:

Friday, May 24, 2013

Your Help

I hate asking for anything, but if any of you can do so, please consider donating to help pay for one of our artist's cancer treatment. Any little bit helps. Thank you.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Do You...

Let go easily? I don't. I often hang on, even when all signs suggest that letting go would be best. The more I fight it, though, the less progress I make. When I finally do let go, things seem to start falling into place. I envy people who can so easily move on and not look back.

I normally don't like to talk about work in my blog posts, but yesterday was such a strange day. I let others affect me too much. This was an odd situation, because in all the years I have helped hire people, I have never had an experience like it.

My co-worker and I were conducting interviews, and all was going just fine. We had already talked to several people who seemed like good candidates for the job available. One of the last prospective employees came in and went right up to the owner to introduce himself. He was an older gentleman, and we were all a little confused as to how he knew who the owner was and why he went past the two of us at the desk without a nod. My boss redirected him back to the desk.

Because he came unprepared and we had to print up his resume, I asked him to have a seat and wait. Our printer isn't the fastest on the planet, so it took a few minutes. Before the machine had spit out the printed material, he leaned over and, in a very snarky tone, asked if we had figured it out yet. My co-worker and I eyed each other, but I smiled one of those obviously fake smiles and said that everything was under control.

Now for the WTF part...

I was conducting the interview, so I started with what seemed a good question: What made you decide that you want to work in an art gallery? To which he replied in an arrogant tone, "Well, I haven't decided if I want to work in a gallery. How would I know if I do or not?" I started to change the question and ask why he applied to the job posting, but he got rude about it, going on (as if I were some idiot) about how there would be no way to know without trying it and blah fucking blah, so I cut him off and told him that it wouldn't work out and thanked him for coming in etc. And then he started arguing with me, asking me how I knew it wouldn't work. Um, because working with holes usually doesn't? Jeez, what the hell is wrong with people? I finally asked him to leave.

Even little shitty situations like that are upsetting to me. Most people would probably laugh about how bizarre people can be, but it was disturbing to me on some level. I don't get why people act so full of themselves.

My mom likes to share a story from her past about people with big egos. I have mentioned that my dad was a genius, one of those well-respected physicists who rubbed elbows with the big wigs of his time. Anyway, my mom and dad were at a lunch with Edward Teller and a few others, because Teller wanted my dad to work on the H bomb, which he refused to do, just as he had done when approached by Oppenheimer for the A bomb. John Wheeler was there too. He's the guy who coined the term Black Hole. My mom was talking to him while Teller was talking to my dad. They started discussing egos and intelligence. My mom mentioned that being born with a well-functioning brain is not all that different from being born with a good liver or a strong heart. Nobody brags about a well-formed liver, though. There's so much left up to chance when it comes to being born a certain way. Add work and opportunity to the genetic factor, and then you get success. Wheeler, said that he had never thought of it that way, but it seemed to be a light bulb over the head moment for him.

It seems weird to me that people get a big ego over how smart they supposedly are or how fast they run. I guess I get it in some ways. You know what impresses me? People who get up and do the 9-5 thing and are functional. What impresses me more are those who can be kind, calm and compassionate in the face of conflict. I can't do it, so anyone who can is a fucking rock star in my eyes.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

A New Day

A friend posted this link on my timeline, just as I was facing #14 an #15 :

I'm still in quit mode, but maybe it's temporary.

In better news, I ran yesterday. Go me.

This video is kick ass:

Don't forget tomorrow night at Nissi's:

For whatever reason, this is stuck in my head:

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Monkey On My Back

Check out this interview:


I "should" be writing articles, but sometimes I can't bring myself to even think about anything running related.

Running, cooking and writing have all been activities I felt compelled to do at one time or another. I've never been one of those people who experiences great joy from doing the things I feel driven to do. That doesn't mean I haven't enjoyed aspects of these activities, and I have been content when time ceases to exist when I get caught up being in the moment while doing them. I'm just saying that I'm not the type to claim that I run, write and cook because any of these labors make me happy. These actions may improve my mood or distract me from bad feelings. They may even make me temporarily happy, but rarely do I go at them thinking, "Oh, this will be fun."

Recently I met an artist who shows his work in a gallery in Boulder. He describes his painting as the monkey on his back, driving him to improve and push himself. My problem is that lately I'm stuck in big black and white thinking. It makes no sense to push myself running when I'm tired and can't even imagine running 7-minute pace anymore. So I go out and jog and occasionally jog a little faster. No monkey on my back directing me there, unless you consider the sheer compulsion to run the little simian cracking the whip. I'm not even a runner anymore. In fact, a neighbor mentioned that she saw me JOGGING the other day, jogging, not running. And I was jogging. Fucking hell.

I stopped cooking completely when I realized how tied up in my eating disorder making food for others was, and I don't really have the desire to get back into that. Writing is as much of a joke, maybe even more, as my running, only at least I have history with running. Running is also supposed to be good for my health, in theory anyway. On the other hand, writing doesn't have the potential to further wreck my body.

It's funny that I never thought about quitting horseback riding, even though I knew I would never amount to much in that sport. I quit only when running had become my obsession. My friend was a talented rider. I wasn't gifted, but I enjoyed doing it. Improvements tend to come quickly at first with riding, and there's always work to be done on on the relationship and connection with the horse, which is much different than other sports. It's easier to accept not being the best when there are so many other issues to consider in riding. Lately, though, I'm finding it difficult to accept not having the potential to be good at something. My big question is: Why bother? I don't know if musicians ever experience this, but I assume some of them do. Others are probably content to just do what they do, whether they reach an audience or not.

I'm thinking about quitting writing. Actually, I am quitting for now. I'm giving up writing fiction, for sure and taking a break from the articles, too. Fiction is definitely not my thing. I think it takes a certain kind of individual to write fiction, and it's not me. Right now, I'm just going to take a break from all of it and see what happens. I may still blog, but that's not structured writing. It's more me spilling my thoughts out on the computer screen, which I might need, as I'm too caught up in my head these days.

Whatever new hobby I decide to try, I'm thinking getting the monkey off my back might be a good thing. Maybe I'll take up professional TV watching.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Thursday at Nissi's

Green Light Radio is having a fundraiser to help less fortunate kids go to Rock and Roll Camp. We will be providing Greenlight Grants to kids who normally can't afford it to attend Doghouse Music's summer Rock and Roll Camp in Lafayette. There will also be a show @ the end with 4 Music acts, Djs, a Silent Auction w/ autographed memorabilia (Devotchka, Big Head Todd) and items donated by many generous businesses. Please come on out and help Greenlight Radio give back to the community. 

We would like to give major thanks to Nissi's for graciously providing the venue

Matty Graziano, Highway 50, DJ Ayrex and SOUND RABBIT will be headlining!!!

In case you missed it, here's the interview with Nate Klein:

5​/​15​/​2013 the porcelain dolls​/​nate klein​/​g girl from KGLR

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Times Are Tough

I just got bombarded with a ton of medical bills. It made me realize that I'm probably not the only one struggling financially.

Until May 19th, I'm offering a free copy of my ebook to anyone who wants it. Spread the word and play it forward:

The code is: MD64Z

You have to create an account, but it's pretty easy to do.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Wednesday May 15th at Midnight

Nate Klein did an an interview with us that will be aired around midnight Wednesday May 15th. 

For more information about Nate's music, check out the following links:

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Coupon and Update

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I ordered some Poilane bread from France as part of her gift, and it was a hit. There are some good breads in the United States, but Poilane bread is extraordinary. I have complained about bread insides or brinnards before. There's something unpleasant (repulsive was what came to mind, but that's a bit harsh) to me about squishy bread. Wonder Bread is about as bad as it gets. I know people like the soft texture of many American breads, but that's not for me. Poilane bread is real bread. It has some substance to it. It's not mushy. If a loaf, boule or baguette has a good amount of innards, chewy with air holes is just fine. Soft makes me cringe. Poilane bread definitely has insides with texture. Check out these slices:

Bread this good doesn't need toasting. 
Before I forget, Mother's day is coming up, and I want to offer a coupon for 40% off my book, Training on Empty. The coupon will be effective until May 14th. Spread the word!

The code is: SR28T

I know I haven't been blogging like I used to. There are a few reasons for that. The last week, I spent my days pumping out 1,000 words a day or so of complete junk. It was an experiment, just to see if I could do it. It turns out that when you drop the attachments, you get out of your own way. I've mentioned that concept in running. Move away from times and place, and it's easier to be in the moment to get the job done. It has been an interesting lesson. 

Speaking of running, I haven't been doing much of it. I think my running days are over, and I've sort of accepted that. It has been a long, rough winter. There was the whole foot infection thing and many illnesses. I finally went to see the doctor again. It turns out that my blood test from way back in February wasn't normal, even though I was told it was. I had a long talk with my doctor, and we are working on getting to the bottom of my issues. There are things I will address later, but the big symptoms are improving. I'm no longer experiencing these weird body chills that grip me in the middle of the night, and I'm not getting as dizzy when I stand up these days. I'll take any improvements I can get. 

One thing that she said was that it might help if I eat more, and I have to admit that it didn't sit well with me at first. I kept thinking (always too much in my head) that I shouldn't be eating MORE if I'm not working out much, but I guess stress burns calories. It's not like I was eating LESS, really, I was just not as hungry when I wasn't feeling well. I was sort of eating the same, even though my appetite was hard to find. It's funny how I had some conflict in my head about it, but I know I'm in a better place these days. In the past, I would have gone back to the same routine. Instead, I threw in some bigger portions and a few snacks. I think it might be helping. The main thing is that I felt like I needed to trust someone and took my doctor's advice. I will probably know more at the end of the month. 

I will try to be better about regular blogging. Getting out of this hole is taking some doing, so my energy has been directed elsewhere. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

It's out!

Those of you who read my blog with any regularity might remember that I did an interview with Zachary Tipton. Here's the link to that interview:

This is just a quick note to let you all know that his new album is out, and I have already downloaded it, which you can do at the following link:

Once again, Zach has blown me away with his talent as a musician. I really hope people take the time to check it out, because I don't think I can do the album justice with written words. Sometimes music is defined with the other senses and can be hard to describe. It hits on a deeper level and can't be explained to its fullest, more felt. So take a listen, support a wonderfully gifted and hard-working artist and enjoy the sounds of what he has created!