Whoops

I have let this blog slide. It has been forever since my last post, but I have had a brain full of swimming thoughts. It usually doesn't make for a good blog post when I sit down to write in that state.

The other day I ran into one of my old running buddies. We reminisced about our group and how much we missed being a part of it. It was a great core group of about five or six people with others who joined later. We ran with Bobby McGee, and, while I wasn't at my fittest, I was definitely making strides toward some kind of comeback.

As it turns out, the woman I bumped into had the same injury the doctors think I have, though mine is less catastrophic.  Her injury was severe, one of the worst cases anyone could imagine. It was so bad, in fact, that one doctor refused to operate. As a result, the surgery he did eventually get was not the usual arthroscopic procedure. Her recovery was complicated and long, but she is running again. It sort of gave me some hope, even though I now have additional foot issues that require attention.

So far, the diagnoses are:

• labral tears in both hips with a very slight stress reaction on the right side.
• Tendonitis in both upper hanstrings.
• A very slight instability in the foot where the surgery was.
• A slipped tendon and stressed plantar plate on my second toe in the right foot.

For right now, I'm just in a holding pattern, seeing which of these need more attention and which will work themselves out over time. I did get a shot of cortisone in one hip, mostly for diagnostic reasons. It was basically a Sophie's choice, as I could only get one shot. The doc basically said, "Pick a side." I picked the left, as the pain was more intense, even though the right showed more drastic tearing. If the pain is still there at the end of the month, that means it's more the tears that are limiting. The tendonitis pain was so sharp that I didn't even notice the groin pain until I got the cortisone shot.

Today I ran into another one of my running partners and was reminded of how much I miss running, especially with friends. She has been through a lot, and, despite her struggles, recently popped out a 3:40 marathon. She's 56 and was recently diagnosed with epilepsy. I cried after giving her a hug goodbye. I can't even begin to explain how much I miss running, and I can't remember the last time I ran without pain.   

The hormonal situation is better but not quite normal. I thought it was odd that my sports medicine doctor suggested I see a gynecologist after looking at my MRI. I guess he could see where a cyst has ruptured and some other issues simply by looking at the imaging. Weird.

I know this isn't the most uplifting post I have created, but, if nothing else, I am in good hands with my PT and the doctors, and I'm getting answers, even if they aren't necessarily the ones I wanted. The reality is that my PT is pretty fucking amazing. I just wish I could get to the point where I could do more actual PT. The process of getting a diagnosis can be long and painful. 

At some point, I want to create a full post about denial and how difficult is is for some people to admit they have a problem. Recently, someone pointed out an article about a guy who appeared to have a full-blown eating disorder. He claimed that he didn't have an eating disorder, but that his eating was disordered. That's like an alcoholic saying, "I'm not an alcoholic; I just can't control myself when I continually drink to the point of passing out and causing all kinds of damage." It reminded me of a lady who was open about her bulimia and mentioned that she just throws up a little bit, as if that's OK. She seemed to think she could control it if she wanted, but, because of the stress in her life she "needed" to do it. It helped her stay calm or something. Her rationalizing about the harmful behavior not being a problem demonstrated how easily people can fool themselves.

I catch myself with the OCD behaviors at times, so I have to constantly ask myself if what I'm doing is out of habit or if what I'm doing is to reach goals and/or be healthy. Sometimes that line can get blurred, but there are definite behaviors that we all know are crossing into that addiction area.

I will have to go into this more thoroughly at some point. I know I keep saying that I will be better about posting, and I hope to do that in the new year.