The New “Beauty” Standard *Trigger Warning

Recently, Dylan Mulvaney, an American actress, Tik Tok personality, and Instagram influencer, made quite a stir when several companies offered paid partnerships and endorsement deals with the transgender activist, giving her a wider audience, various products, and, of course, money. In the case of Anheuser-Busch, the marketing strategy for Bud Light backfired, and many called for a boycott after seeing the rising star in a promo spot, leaving the beer company in a tizzy as share prices initially fell. It's hard to say what the lasting effects will be, but the higher-ups issued an immediate apology after the boycott began and hoped for a turnaround as they featured one of their Clydesdale horses in a brand-new, pro-America ad. 

I don’t drink much alcohol and don’t really care who promotes mediocre beer, so none of this really concerns me, but both those on the left and right were involved in the boycott. I understand why people were upset and also why others were in support of the trans actress. My goal here isn't to offend anyone, and in this particular case, I honestly don't care one way or another who drinks or doesn't drink Bud Light or who promotes or boycotts the company. What concerns me more is how this particular transgender individual is influencing her his audience. 

It should be noted that Mulvaney is considered a comedian, though some may question her his ability to be funny, and, despite having several types of facial surgeries, she he has yet to have bottom surgery as part of transitioning. In fact, she he seems to enjoy drawing attention to her his crotch and was called out for her his behavior when  she he ask her his Tik Tok audience to "normalize the bulge" while wearing "shopping shorts," clearly aware that her his dick was noticeable while sporting tight shorts. That's a sentence I never thought I would type. Sorry if I sound prudish, but this has more to do with how adult influencers potentially target children than being offended by particular body parts. 

Mulvaney shows off her bulge

This doesn't seem normal or appropriate for young audiences, yet I didn’t see any age restriction on the content. Both she he and Jeffrey Marsh have directly addressed children in their videos, though Marsh in particular has tried to deny it and eventually changed the content settings after facing a severe backlash. In the linked video, it might sound like Mulvaney is giving out good advice, but both she he and Marsh have been accused of guiding kids away from parents and family and toward other support systems, even though Mulvaney's family has, according to her his uncle, always loved and supported her him. 

Some of the more controversial or perplexing partnerships with Mulvaney include Kate Spade, Instacart, Aritzia, KitchenAid, and, of course, Anheuser-Busch. Apparently, there are a lot of partnerships, but the one with Nike caught more people's attention, including mine, although I thought her his Tampax performance, which may not have been an actual partnership, just some free product in exchange for a little online advertising, was a slap in the face of women and girls. These skits parody and mock women, not support them. 

Do you know how many women and girls are in need of these kinds of products around the world? I'm not sure handing out free tampons to someone who claims to identify as a girl (why not a woman at her his age?) but doesn't always act the part (and much of what she he does is acting no matter how she he identifies) as opposed to hiring or giving out free tampons to an actual girl or woman was the best move, but again, large companies don’t really care about individuals. They care about making a profit and getting the name of their company circulating in the public sphere. 

As someone put it, "My womanhood is not your costume." But businesses are jumping at the chance to work with Mulvaney, even if there’s a risk of alienating potential customers and the outcome might not be desirable. The potential interest or even controversy is what draws in these businesses. No press is bad press if it gets your name out there, in theory anyway. Whatever the reason, Mulvsney is the it girl, but it's becoming more and more obvious that not everyone is happy about her his increasing fame. 

Tampax has been a misogynistic mess on Twitter long before the company offered a trans person free schwag to promote its products, but after the little performance with Mulvaney, it became obvious that their primary interest is being seen, most obviously in this case. I know they are involved in some useful programs that assist young girls with menstrual start-up kits, but that doesn't erase their more questionable actions. Back in 2022, their official Twitter account posted inappropriate content, but before I share the tweet, keep in mind that girls start menstruating on average around 11-12 years old, meaning some start well before becoming a teenager. That said, the post isn't even well-suited or funny for adults and seems to be directed at men more than women. It's all kinds of cringe: 

You're in their DMs. We're in them.
We are not the same.

Back to Nike, another reason to cringe. I've already brought up the giant shitty shoe company before, and while I don't personally have an issue with any trans individuals being selected for advertising purposes when appropriate, I am adamantly opposed to transgender women mocking and belittling women while displacing them and taking away opportunities in the same way I am when it comes to transgender women competing in female categories in athletics. At least back in 2021, Nike hired an actual transgender female athlete to star in its Play New campaign, and the same can be said of its 2016 ad featuring a transgender man, Chris Mosier.

This year, when Nike invited Mulvaney to prance around in a sports bra and leggings in an effort to promote women's sportswear, female athletes took notice. Some pointed out that Nike doesn't exactly have the best history when it comes to how the company treats women, so hiring a biological male who identifies as a girl and isn't athletic in place of a female athlete shouldn't really surprise anyone. What is surprising is that any business, especially one supposedly dedicated to promoting athletes, would use images fit for a pro-ana group as a selling point. 

Sharron Davies, a former Olympic swimmer had this to say about the new Nike ad:

The ad feels like a parody of what women are. In the past it was always seen as an insult to say, "run like a girl" and here we've got someone behaving in a way that's very un-sporty and very unathletic and it's so frustrating when only one percent of USA sponsorship dollar goes to females in sport. That Nike would do this feels like a kick in the teeth.

Because I know anyone who reads this blog could potentially be triggered by what looks like thinspiration content, I'm going to add a second warning here.  

Back in 2015, France and several other countries took a stand by banning models who were deemed too thin when it was revealed that images of underweight women and girls contribute to the development of eating disorders. Back then, the health ministry in France said its aim was to "fight eating disorders and inaccessible ideals of beauty," a take that was celebrated as a step forward in an industry that had previously showcased not just thin models but dangerously thin models, like Luisel and Eliana Ramos and Isabelle Caro who eventually died from complications related to anorexia. 

Enter Nike, 2023. 

Mulvaney has always been petite, but through her his transition, it appears that she he may have become even leaner. Because of her his biology, it's easier for her his to maintain lean body mass than it is for those with XX chromosomes. Over time, hormone replacement therapy can have some effect on body fat, but estrogen treatment won't drastically change an individual's physique unless the treatment is combined with lifestyle and dietary changes as well. Several studies show that the lean body mass of trans women remains above that of cisgender women, even after over a year of treatment. 

What Mulvaney and the companies that use her his images perpetuate are derogatory stereotypes and unattainable new "beauty" standards targeting young girls and women, and the trans community, too. The images shown below demonstrate an unrealistic body ideal for girls and most individuals, even if they engage in dieting and exercise. It would have to be excessive to reach such a lean look. People were so angry when fashion designers did this, but for some reason, Mulvaney gets praised. 

I'm not suggesting anything about Mulvaney's mental health, but I am aware of how these kinds of images can appear to others. Female athletes, even some who claim to be advocates of eating disorder recovery, are guilty of the same type of thing when they showcase images taken at angles that intentionally make their bodies look longer and much leaner, but the fat percentage of a female will never be as low as that of a man unless she he starves her himself into possibly unhealthy or even dangerous territory. 

Before transitioning

These are not images that inspire girls to be healthy

You might as well put these on a pro-ana website

Unfortunately, these kinds of images often inspire comments from young girls wanting to change their bodies

People should boycott Nike for all kinds of reasons. This latest stunt can be added to the ever-growing pile, but chances are little will change. Nike is too big, and exposing the shady things they have done in the past didn't put much of a dent in its success. 

I don't really know what the solution is when it comes to supporting transgender individuals while protecting vulnerable populations, but I can't bring myself to get behind anyone promoting a very clearly unhealthy beauty standard like the one Mulvaney is presenting. I just can't. Young girls and women have enough pressure on them to look a certain way, and now huge companies are shoving these kinds of images in our faces? No thank you. 

And fuck, I missed an opportunity for a "hold my beer" joke. sigh. 

** ETA I changed the pronouns to what they should have been from the start. I'm not playing along anymore and made a mistake in attempting to appease others when it never felt right to call a man "she". 

Same As It Ever Was II

I'm lucky that my job doesn't require me to stand out on social media. Basically, if I aim to do my best in terms of being honest, kind, helpful, and knowledgeable, it usually translates into doing well at work. When I look at how people who rely more heavily on being in the public eye behave, it makes me realize how far we as a society have to go in order to even begin to change the unhealthy but terribly ingrained habits that form the often dangerous beauty standards we constantly see. Most of us are still so very unaware how we contribute to cultural assumptions and norms.

I was late seeing some of the more bizarre takes on the "if you don't love me at my XXX, you don't deserve me at my XXX" meme phenomenon that's occurring on Twitter at the moment. The original quote is: “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” - Anonymous. People initially made some cute or funny memes based on this, but, as they often do, those who crave the spotlight had to join in because everyone else was doing it. Then, all of a sudden, too many people took the opportunity to draw attention to bodies, women's bodies in particular, showing one supposedly less satisfactory image and one glammed up image side-by-side. It didn't take long for pretty much everyone to jump on board with their versions of worst and best, and I noticed a large number of people simply posting images of themselves at a higher weight or slightly less toned contrasted with a more socially accepted image.

My tipping point and why I wrote this post rather than engage with anyone on a social media platform was when someone who has been interviewed as an eating disorder recovery advocate and partnered with an expert to teach a virtual class on body image in 2017, through Oiselle presented an older image of herself shortly after having a baby but still in shape enough to be engaging in a high-intensity sport next to an image of herself looking extremely fit in a fashion show for a women's athletic apparel company. Since a few people already said what I was thinking, there was no need to beat a dead horse and get involved in any direct conversations. It was surprising that she posted something like this, and there was a lot of explaining afterward about how it's really a good thing, somehow aimed at progress, which I fail to see given the meme movement and the images themselves. When a few people called her out on what appeared to many as an odd way to support body positivity, what followed from both her and the clothing company was more than a little concerning. I couldn't help but have a reaction, one that I felt deserved a more measured response on my blog.

Before I even get into what was tweeted, let me remind everyone that it's widely accepted and has been for years that there's a strong correlation between social media and body image concerns. We already know the line between fitspiration and thinspiration is a slim and often blurred one, and the content of the two is often indistinguishable. I'm not going to get into how common it is for images to be stolen and use as pro-ana content. That's a separate issue, but it happens and is one more reason people should be more concerned about the types of images they post. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable when it comes to being influenced by the messages and images found on social media, but it's not limited to women and girls. Boys and men are also affected, as are people in the LGBTQ community.

Blasting others with images of your body in such a way that draws disproportionate attention to the body itself will always have the potential to negatively affect those who are prone to compare themselves to others and seek approval through their weight, size, or fitness level. This kind of image with a strong emphasis on looks is obviously different from an image of someone simply engaging in a certain activity or enjoying a moment in front of the camera. In the case of the former, excessively promoting images that fit into the narrow definition of our society's warped definition of beauty is likely to negatively influence some, and contrasting two images that focus entirely on the body is certain to cause at least a few people to engage in unhealthy comparisons.

Most individuals post images on social media without thinking about the potential damage they can cause. What's surprising is how many individuals are unaware and uncaring in this area. Can we please just stop it and shift the focus away from women's bodies, period? We don't need new and different ways of looking at the aesthetics of a woman's body. This isn't helpful in the long run because the focus is still on looks rather than wellbeing, health, or anything deeper. Why must everything come back to this?

I know this seems like an impossible task. Everyone has rights and wants and needs, and many people want to get some validation through the images they post. The argument is that everyone wants to look good and be their best versions of themselves, Oprah style, which is all fine; just stop shoving your body parts, toned or not, in our faces and intentionally drawing attention to them at the expense of real content. Nobody should be supporting or encouraging people who post memes and images that very clearly send potentially harmful messages, even if the intentions of the poster are... the best. I'm sure some people will misinterpret what I'm saying and think, incorrectly, that I'm for a world with no images of bodies at all be it in fashion, athletics, or in general. That's not what I'm saying. If you feel that posting images of yourself somehow betters the world, by all means, post away. All I'm doing is presenting another side.

Let me spare you more ruminations and just post some of the thread responses along with my thoughts in red.

Q1: Why is her natural post-partum body at her worst?

(Exactly what I was thinking. Shouldn't this be a highlight in life, especially if you have a child and are able to return to the activities you love?)

 A: Our interpretation of the meme was not that the first image equals worse but more what is real - and not traditionally shared (as LF’s original blog points out). Either way, thank you for the comment.

(Despite the original quote very clearly stating "worst/best," we are somehow supposed to magically know by looking at the images that the OP had a different interpretation. In addition, aren't we the fools for not having read every single word of the OP's blog, especially posts dating back to 2013 and 2014. Shame on us, but since it has been brought to your attention that it's unlikely that anyone would take the images in the way they were supposedly intended, what now?) 


Q2: I think this trend should just be "if you don't love me at my XXX...you don't deserve me." The implication of "non-ideal" photos/bodies as "worst" & "beautiful" photos/bodies as "best" is not a healthy subtext


(This is one of the best responses I have seen. Yes, it's not healthy. I wish more people would understand this.) 

OP: I see it as a powerful way to say “take all of me or have none of me.” I think it subverts rather than endorses simply by encouraging the posting of a range of images as lovable. To each her own!

(OK, fair enough, but what about the message the images send without the added explanation? How many people are going to look at the images and then take the time to read all the responses to get to this explanation?)

Q3: "So let's review this," he said, incredulous. "Oiselle uses strategic lighting and angles so that its athletes look maximally lean and ripped for its ads, and now it's imploring its own target audience to be real about women's bodies."

 Q3: "I really think you should replace your entire marketing department," he said with unconcealed scorn. "I thought the 'Drink Responsibly' crap from booze-peddlers was patently hypocritical, but this is several levels worse."

 OP: For the record, both are my actual body :). And it is worth pointing out that the meme never says “worst” or “best” in reference to the images. Could be “candid” or “posed,” or any number of things. It’s telling that many assume “worst/best!

(Again, the original quote specifically states this, and the answer below couldn't be better, right down to the third-person panache.) 

 Q3: "I didn't assume anything!" he thundered. "But only a fool could fail to note what's implied by this juxtaposition. Oiselle is like virtually every other women's active-wear company in trying to have it both ways. It's as simple as that."

 Q4: Have you looked at their advertising lately? Oiselle makes it a point to have models of various shapes and sizes and clothing to fit them. Maybe you should become informed before you speak.

 Q3: "Well, isn't that sweet!" he trilled. "But the use of bigger models elsewhere has nothing to do with THIS post, which implies that it's OK to look 'normal' IF 'normal' is a temporary condition. I 'get' the intent, but trust me, it backfires."

I don't claim to have all the answers. Free speech includes freedom of expression, and anyone who wants can flaunt her body in any way she sees fit. I just wish more people would consider how easy it is to reinforce unhealthy or unrealistic standards of health, fitness, and beauty when the online audience is so vast. My concern is that if those who consider themselves knowledgeable about eating disorders are unaware of how potentially damaging certain kinds of memes and images can be, you can imagine how little is known about the toxic side of social media in the general public. Given this, it's likely we are going to see more and more people developing eating disorders. And that's why this kind of trend is so upsetting.

Few people take the time to consider the impact the images they post can have. Images send a message in an instant. You don't always have the luxury of looking away before an image pops up in your feed, and whatever message comes from it is internalized quickly. With some posters -- and I'm not suggesting this is the case with this particular situation but I'm sure it happens a lot -- as long as they're getting whatever benefit posting brings them, and as long as they get those reinforcing "likes," it's doubtful anything will change any time soon. One can hope, though. Damn, one can hope.

Not Done Yet

I've been having an internal debate about how involved I want to be in addressing what I feel are dangerous trends in society. The other day I saw a preview for a documentary about Karen Carpenter. It made me think about how lucky I am to be alive. Though I never took the heart-damaging medications she took, our lowest weight was about the same. Sometimes it seems like sheer luck that I survived. More and more people seem to be struggling with eating disorders.

At the risk of beating a dead horse...

With the recent Lady Gaga's belly controversy, I decided I would allow myself one last outburst over the whole Instagram mess. Keep in mind that I'm not actually triggered these days, but I mentor people who are. Every day I see people fighting for their lives. Last year, five people associated with members of one support group lost their battle. We just lost someone in the group this month, too, so it's no surprise that I get fired up when I see people carelessly posting their insecurities and afflictions on social media for all to see and absorb.

Let me see if I can explain things in a way that people will understand because one middle-aged lady suggested I was "body shaming" when I called her out on her potentially damaging and highly triggering posts, even though I never once mentioned a single word about the woman's body or her appearance. As a friend suggested, this is like being called a bully for expressing concern when someone posts loads of images of herself sloppy drunk and in compromising positions or passed out on the floor with captions about how great and fun it is to drink to excess every night. No, I'm not actually the problem. Yes, I could sit back and say nothing, but that was starting to feel wrong. Complacency is its own injustice.

What upsets me more than the images, many of which are bad enough, are the captions that go along with them. In one particular case, the woman has revealed her BMI, her caloric intake, and her exercise level. It doesn't take a genius to see that this is a train wreck in the making, but the almost constant self-criticism and self-absorption are unbearable. That's what I see as the most harmful to others. Imagine a young girl looking at the image of someone who is underweight and then reading the caption about her round belly. How could anyone think this is a good idea? Another woman thinks it's OK to post images of her seven identical non-fat lunches in Tupperware containers. That's not as terrible, but OCD much? How is this healthy and balanced and enjoyable? One of the worst things I have seen is someone suggesting how to hide curves in images for people who have none. I have said my piece, but it hasn't resolved anything.

Here is why I have trouble getting past all this. Take a look at these statistics:

• At least 30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder in the U.S. 
• Every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result of an eating disorder.
• Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.

When people flaunt an illness that kills so many individuals, I can't sit back and act like it's OK. It's never OK to subtly or blatantly encourage others to obsess over weight, body, and food. All this does is continue to promote an unhealthy standard. I can't stand the thought of anyone encouraging others to strive for thinness by counting calories, weighing out every morsel of food, obsessing about exercise, and focusing on every self-perceived flaw, and then publicly complaining about or making hateful comments about body parts, her own or someone else's. When I see this kind of content and the unwell people who encourage it, I see it as a slap in the face of those who promote body positivity, health, and wellness. 

Those who make comments about bellies on natural bodies, untoned abs on fit athletes and cellulite on thin thighs have disordered thinking and promote a sick culture. Those who make naive comments about how stupid it is for people to have eating disorders are no better. Eating disorders are a very rational response to the chaos in life, especially when we are not taught better coping skills. Most addition is a combination of genetic factors, past trauma, general physiology and/or underlying mental illness, and current stress level. Spend a moment talking to someone in the throes of an eating disorder who is triggered and affected by the kind of unhealthy content that's becoming so popular on Instagram - complaining about cellulite, round bellies, or fat and flawed body parts when the referenced image shows not just otherwise but the exact opposite -- and you will maybe understand what harm these kinds of accounts can cause. 

I get the insecurity, the need for validation. I know what it's like to worry about weight, food, appearance, body, exercise and to want some kind of reassurance, but if you are an adult and still begging for attention by showing the world how thin you are while complaining about phantom bulges, you should probably consider therapy. What you are seeking can't be found in rah-rah Instagram or facebook comments.

The response to my comment about the harm this kind of content can cause was that my remark was immediately deleted. That's not surprising when it comes to anyone in denial. The threat of potentially addressing, or worse, giving up any harmful behaviors is often too scary for someone in the throes of addiction. The addictive behavior has to be protected at all costs, even if it means losing friends and distancing family members, poor performance, or worsening health. Comments like mine challenge the warped sense of reality of someone with an illness, so they won't be tolerated. There's nothing a stranger can really do at this point. I have no desire to watch someone slowly kill herself. I can't. I actually ended up blocking one account afterward, even though Instagram is public and anyone not logged in can see everything. I've said all I can, though, and there's nothing more I can do. I lived it, so I don't need to watch it. I hope that maybe one day people like this will realize how damaging what they are doing is, not just to themselves but to others. We all have our issues, but there's no need to inflict every neurotic thought onto others, especially if it means negatively influencing someone in the process.

And NOW I'm done.