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| Good Goddess this stuff rocks |
- I haven't completed the blog post about kids and running that I keep saying I will.
- Last night I ate half a pint of Stonyfield Farms frozen yogurt with some peanut butter and cereal.
- I don't feel bad about eating like that now and then, and I'm sure I will do it again. I mean, it's non-fat ice cream and tastes fucking amazing. So what?
- I hate Memorial day in Boulder. I don't just dislike it, I absolutely HATE it. It reminds me of how shit like this (image below) is supposed to represent the holidays. There's the Creek Fest, crazy crowds and, of course, the Bolder Boulder. It is too fucking much:
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| AAK! |
- I HATE (so full of hate today!) the Bolder Boulder. Actually, I don't dislike the actual race, I am disappointed in what it has become: An ocean of people flooding the streets of Boulder. My emotions get all fucked up, because while it's cool that people run, there are so many, tooooooo many. Plus, it stopped being fun for me when I could no longer really race. Now it's just another outrageously big reminder of how I'm not a runner...and everyone else on the planet is... and is in Boulder today, running.
- While millions of people got up early to run a race, I slept in late. I'll probably go limp around on the trails later. I almost don't care that it will be hot and I'm no longer a runner, only I obviously do or I wouldn't be feeling slightly jealous of those who can run, despite the relief of knowing I no longer have to face all that internal pressure when racing.
- I'm in a bad mood, and I sometimes want to cut my foot off, as if that would help things. I go through life trying to deal instead of making things happen, but I'm frustrated and angry.
- I have a bad case of the grumpies. >:/ Everything is annoying me today. Maybe it's partly because I had to sit and listen to a "street performer" scream her "songs" at people walking by yesterday while I was at work. Someone needs to tell this lady that she can't sing. I wonder about people like that. Can they not hear how bad they are? When pretty much every customer complains about how awful it is, I know it's not just my overly sensitive ears.
Rather than continue complaining, I'm going to post something my sister posted on her facebook wall and I later shared. My uncle was a soldier in the army during the Korean war. This little blurb gives you an idea of what a courageous man he was. As much as I hate this day for the mess of a holiday it has become around here, I, and many others, do remember what it's supposed to be all about. Like my father, I may not agree with the idea of war, but I respect those who have given their lives, literally and figuratively, for our country. Today I remember my uncle, Nelson.
Lize - I really don't know you but given these posts I think I kind of sort of maybe do in a bit.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to just drop this shit of how you are not a runner. Eff that. This all smells like you defining yourself off of some expectations of what you were, or what you think other folks think you are. You are Lize. If that is a run on the trails, roads, track or NOT - and instead eating ice cream - that is Lize. Make that good, but not in the definition of something that you are. Not what some part of your brain says what a runner is.
Okay, you can tell me to go to hell now. Cheers.
Thank you. I guess it's because I'm "running" with a limp and quite a bit of pain that I say these things. I'm in the process of letting go, and it's not easy. Still, I do try to enjoy what I can. I ran into Aime Durden the other day, and she said something about we take what we can get. I took comfort in that, partly because I know I'm not alone. Any runner gets it, and you are right that there will always be a runner inside of me. It's just a difficult transition. I had such hope with these surgeries, so facing that I am back to square one isn't easy.
ReplyDeleteNext month, I start with a different kind of blogging. Maybe getting out of my head so much with everything going on in my life right now, things will feel better too. :)
Thank you for the comment. I would never tell you to go to hell...unless you try to take away my chocolate ice cream, of course! ;)
And I totally get what you are saying. I just realized that my reply looks like I missed the point, but I didn't !
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the challenge.
ReplyDeleteShame about Bolder Boulder. Similarly our City to Surf has become a bit 'much' in recent years, even though the organisation has improved (like having chip-timing) - I enjoyed it more when there were 'only' 20,000 running, not the 70,000 they have now.
Thank you, Ewen.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way when it comes to those kinds of races. I find that the smaller ones are more enjoyable for me. I know some people like the big crowds, but I've always preferred more intimate settings.
I agree w/ what GZ said above; being a runner is only part of you, and not what defines you.
ReplyDeleteI swam when I couldn't run. Though I didn't always like it, and wasn't the best at it, it did give me a similar sense of accomplishment that running does. It's hard to describe, but that state of mind -- making the best of things -- is far superior to feeling angry/upset/depressed. I still was grumpy/pissy about not running, but at least I felt like I was working my body, and accomplishing something.
The AA prayer works wonders for me, though I have no issues w/ alcohol or drugs myself. Some days are just going to suck. I wouldn't want a part of BB if I were you, either. I guess one key to happiness (to some extent) is to find ways to deal w/ unpleasant feelings that come up.
Thank you, Joan. I hear what you and GZ are saying. I think I embraced things more after the first surgery, because I was thinking the situation was temporary. I sort of got overwhelmed not just with my foot but with several things going on at the same time. I think I'm slowly moving into a better place with it, despite the fact that the pain continues. I'm learning how to manage it, and it helps when I can focus on other things, like writing or hanging out with friends.
ReplyDelete