Saturday, April 23, 2011


Twice now I have been told to send my breath to strange areas of my body during PT. I get the concept, but it seems a bit odd to me. Still, I'm breathing into my toe, and also into my back, specifically the part of my back between my ribs that is curved the wrong way.

My last PT session started with me trying to move my big toe. I felt like Uma Therman in Kill Bill, only my toe didn't seem to want to respond. SSSsssshhhhhhhhiiiiiiitttt! How hard can it be to move your big toe? After an embarrassing few minutes of nothing happening, I confessed that I wasn't sure I could move it. My PT told me to just keep thinking about moving it, so I stared at it longer, hoping for some action. All of a sudden there was a little twinge- Success!! She made me do a few more difficult exercises, all having to do with moving my toes, and don't you know that my foot went from its frozen blue state to a more awake pink one? There was some serious circulation going on in there that day after many, many weeks of nothing. I forgot to get a bag of rice to stick my foot in, but that's another part of therapy. I'm not sure I would have made this kind of progress alone. In fact, I can say I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have.

I jogged a few steps here and there up the street yesterday, but my body is still too out of whack to consider an actual run. Today I'll just bike and probably walk. It's snowing- Springtime in Boulder. I'm really hoping running is not too far off, because the weather is starting to be warmer overall, despite the cold temps now.

It has been an exceptionally draining and long week. Yesterday I was finally able to get some meds to help with my moods. My poor head. These are typical Boulder style meds- something in between drugs and supplements, and I'm supposed to try them for 2 weeks. If there's no change, then I'll be adding something to the mix. I'm also supposed to use a stronger dose of progesterone. We are our hormones, as they say, and those of us who have had eating disorders generally have screwy hormone levels, no matter how far removed the actual illness is. I think I've been struggling extra hard emotionally ever since the surgery. Sometimes it takes a safety rope once you have dropped into an emotional pit.

It could be the placebo effect, but I already feel a tad less frantic over everything. That could also be because I had a really nice and relaxing night out with a good friend and a fair amount of sleep. Who knows, but I feel like I'm starting to head in the right direction with things. Whewww. Actually, I had an interesting conversation about change and communication. I'll get into that another time though. Suffice to say it was nice to have face to face communication in a time where the computer and text messages seem to be more popular. I actually saw a funny card recently that was in the shape of a phone with a text message on it. Appropriate these days, I guess. 

This is a short post, but I have to go do these toe exercises. I thought it was a bit funny that the first letter of each of the words in my book title, Training On Empty, spells TOE. I'm not sure why I find that cute.

Another day, another bike workout. At least when it snows, I feel like it's not so bad being inside on the bike though. Hee. Now to find some music for the event. Maybe some Gorillaz will hit the right spot in my ear.

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