Comfort Safety Trust
Hummm. People reading my outpouring of blog posts this month might get the idea that I'm not the most up with people person in the world. I should probably put some kind of disclaimer somewhere stating that these posts are just words. Not that there's not an element of truth in them. Obviously I'm tapping into brief moments, past experiences and strong emotions here and there, all very accurate and real. I just don't want anyone to assume I'm forever down at the mouth. Hopefully I don't have to worry. It's not like I believe all those chronically happy bloggers are elated 24/7. I sometimes wonder how life outside the blog posts really is. You can have some serious fun with that.
Just to prove that I am not my most recent posts, all dark and perpetually gloomy, I'll focus on something a little more positive in this one.
Home is definitely something people can create. It's not the same thing as a house. It doesn't even have to be a physical location. Some think of it as a state of comfort. I like the idea that it can be considered a refuge or a place of safety. As many already know, my childhood wasn't picture perfect. However, my room was my shelter in all the chaos. I felt relatively safe there. I also knew that no matter what minor arguments I had with my mom, I could rely on her. These days, I have found that most of my family and I care about and will be there for each other. As far as home away from home locations, I have a few. In the right situation, I can even feel at ease in a hotel room while traveling or on the road.
It's not easy to define what comprises a home. In terms of including other people in a household, trust is a big concern. A side note: last night I was talking to a friend, explaining that it is difficult to trust partners based on my past. Sure, you're not messing around with anyone else. Of course you're not crossing lines online. Oh, I'm sure you're just friends. He asked why I would ever be with someone I don't trust. Good question, but I have done it at least a few times. Insecurity on my part? Hoping for a change in the other party? Denial? It's hard to say, but I think my friend has a point. It's not likely that a sense of home can be created without trust. While I believe it's possible that partners can be honest with each other about pretty much anything, I think in my case, it was too much time spent focused on what could be rather than what was. Back to the topic; home is where the heart is? True, unless either one is broken.
The place I used to consider my sanctuary was anywhere I happened to be running, especially the trails. Running used to be a way for me to return to myself. Now that there's pain and discomfort in every step, it's harder to feel grounded while putting weight on my feet. Instead I have found a somewhat satisfying place in writing, despite the fact that scribbling down ideas doesn't come naturally to me. You can imagine how difficult this month of daily blogging has been! It is a bit of a struggle. I've also found a cozy little nest in the online radio station where I occasionally volunteer. Some might call the group at the station a bunch of misfits, but I love what the people involved are about and how passionate they are about what they do. They're a bit like a family to me. Mostly I like knowing that I can be myself and not feel judged by anyone. It's great to feel comfortable in your surroundings. I'd easily call the station a second home, even though there is no actual physical location of the station. It's just a group of people who occasionally meet, working both separately and together, to provide some alternative listening content to the public, reach out to the community and allow anyone who wants a chance to have his or her voice heard. It helps when a little fun can be thrown into the mix, and that's often the case when engaging in activities relating to the station. I guess home for me is more a feeling of being in the right place, doing the right things.
I call Boulder my home town, have lived here most of my life and feel drawn to the place, but I can see living elsewhere if it ever came to that. To me, home is more about inner peace than a location or building structure. What do you call home? Have you ever felt like you were home in entirely new surroundings? To me, it can be so many things: Listening to the perfect playlist, completing a well thought out blog post, finding alone time when space is needed, meeting up with friends for a drink, laughing out loud or holding hands with someone who makes butterflies flutter in your tummy. Home is a fucking warm fuzzy. It's as simple as that. Sigh.
A few more home-related items
From a great album titled Home:
And of course, Carlin was right: "In baseball, the goal is to go home … to be safe at home."
Finally, where I like to go to feel at home:
Green Light Radio