Sunday, June 3, 2012


Power. Sorry, I can't do a post on it without this video:

Ahh power, the perfect contrast to being invisible. This is a though word of the day for me, because it's such a broad topic. People attach so much to POWER- rawrrrrr and associate it with so many different conditions. It's odd to think that there can be fear around the idea of being or becoming powerful. Some of us have even gone as far as self-sabotage, either consciously or unconsciously, to avoid success. After you win or get to the top, then what? The worry that we are not deserving can keep us from living up to our true potential. Ever been shocked at your own capabilities but felt the need to put the reins on? Sometimes we are so concerned with how others might view us or just shocked at our own innate abilities, we will alter how we act. For us sensitive types, we might worry how we affect others, so we sometimes tone down our capabilities in order to avoid making someone feel bad about himself. I'm sure it's obvious that self-esteem can influence the feeling of being powerful, but power can be related to external factors as well. People associate power with having money, intelligence, commanding respect from others, influence over others, brute force, owning fancy homes or cars, and being involved with a good looking partner among other things. However, power for me is more about courage and inner strength. It's hard to define, but I know it when I experience it.

In terms of both athletics and my overall life, I have at times felt tremendous strength only to experience ultimate weakness later. Illness or injury can shake confidence, so in times of strife, it's difficult to feel impressive in any way. The times I have felt the least tough were the times I was struggling physically, though my emotional low times come in a close second. Of course the moments I felt most powerful, I was moving through any fear and physically stable. During those periods, it was hard to deny how much my inner drive was at work. On the flip side, dealing with pain will make a person feel less than mighty. Suffering occupies a lot of brain space, and it's difficult to feel at your best when living with chronic pain.  It can wear on your emotional state and weaken your sense of self.

It just came to me, but starving myself and keeping on a schedule I created in my head used to give me a sense of power. I'll be honest, even now, though it is no longer about starving, when I feel like I can't do what I want, I feel less confident. When I used to run at the track, thoughts of failure, worries about not feeling good and feelings of being overwhelmed used to knock away my strength. If I could get outside of my head and just run, get into a groove, forget about trying to be perfect, I could tap into that wonderful zone of letting go of all that's around and be in the moment. Those were strong periods.

What makes you feel powerful?

Any time I'm a bit off and focused on my imperfections, my confidence waivers. Today I feel anything but "powerful beyond measure", but I'm throwing this out there anyway. Yeah, I'm a bit all over the place, but I'm ending this thing with a bang.

Most people know one line of this poem, but reading it in its context gives it more pOwER, even if the whole God thing isn't your thing.

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

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