Grrr

I'm pissed at myself that I didn't go hard Monday. I did one of those medium workouts, not going hard, but not going super easy. Then, I was too tired to go hard Tuesday. And then BOOM! my fucking period shows up after 2.5 weeks. WTF?? Again? No wonder I felt like I wanted to eat a room full of chocolate and started looking like an inflated human peep, all soft and squishy. Gah! I should have known when I went shopping and ended up with 5 chocolate items out of 7 in my cart that something was amiss. Actually, I tend to buy loads of chocolate anyway, but the craving was super intense the other night.

Odd things happen just before I get my period:

Everything hurts
I enter a time warp, and things suddenly seem to take forever, except sleep. I can't seem to get enough, and time suddenly flies when my eyes are closed.
I get extra whiny and crabby
My emotions get the best of me (OK that's nothing new)
I get lazy to the point where I don't really care.
My oversensitivity becomes shocking
I get horny (OK that's nothing new either)

The day I get my period, I generally feel like I've been flattened by a Monster truck, which is where I was just a few days ago. So I was thinking I "need" to do a hard workout anyway, knowing I'd likely feel like shit, or bail completely.

I bailed.

A few days later, after the extra rough day, I was feeling a little better, but still kind of dragging. Stress? That day was bad though. Things were somewhat OK when I decided a workout wasn't going to happen, and I crawled back into bed after a dose of something chocolate. Later though, I had to go to work, and things went from so-so to really fucking crappy. I felt icky, things weren't going well and I just wanted the day to end. The good news is that things do generally get better after a day of complete blah.
I'm not even going to go into all the details of why the day was so awful. Suffice to say that some days just suck. What I don't like is that I lose my confidence when those kinds of days occur. I can tell that lately my confidence is waning anyway. I feel more at ease with everything when I can get through workouts and manage my day a little better. Moving on...

A blog in several disjointed parts. I couldn't log on the last day or so.


I'm still all into the chocolate lately. I even found a really cool blog that the ladies at Piece, Love and Chocolate suggested called Chocolate for Breakfast. I love it!! I shouldn't bypass one of the three chocolate goodies (yes, it was a three chocolate treats day that day-oy) I managed to scarf in a 24 hour period during that bad day. It's called Life Opening Chocolates- ridiculously priced vegan raw chocolate fudge. I'm not sure which of the 7 ingredients is so addicting, but I wanted to eat a large pile of these things. I suppose it was good that I only bought two. At least my pocketbook is thanking me for only buying two when I was tempted to buy more. It's amazing how good this thing was. It has coconut butter, agave, coconut sugar, flax seeds, almonds, cacao powder and sea salt in it, but it tastes like a fudgy chocolate bar. Any coconut flavor is very subtle. It feels slippery on the tongue-in a good way, almost like it's melting. I suppose it's because of the types of oils in it. As far as chocolate treats go, it's not horribly sugary or all that high in fat. The price is a shock, but if I had wads of bills stuffed in my pockets, I'd probably buy these quite often.

Aside from an outrageous cramp I had while conducting an interview with a musician, things have been going relatively well since the bad day. I'm tired, but I got a great PT session in on Thursday. Heather at Avanti Therapy in Boulder is amazing. They all are there, but Heather got my frozen foot to move again. We are in the process of liberating my big toe. It takes some very subtle little exercises that can be a bit painful at times, but they work. Wow! Soon I'll be out of the brace again. I can't wait!
I'm too tired and my head too filled with crap to write a very good post, so I'll leave the rest of my thoughts about sex drive, things I tell myself I could give up if I wanted, training and how I always seem to be unlike normal people for next time.

Here's one things we can all count on- things change.