Monday, July 25, 2011

Calgon - take me away?

I'm tired, but I can't sleep lately.

Last week was crazy. I had too much to do. Somehow, I managed to get through it, but I feel like I'm a zombie, checking things off my "to do" lists daily. Unfortunately, the lists keep getting longer. Actually, I don't think zombies typically have much to do besides stumble around and eat people. Anyway, I just mean that my brain is in a fog. I need a day with no obligations, but that's not happening. Today would have been the perfect day, but I scheduled a PT session and then some other things came up as well. So, instead of sleeping until 10 and then lounging around until I got the urge to do something, I was up at 8, which is actually sleeping in a little, and I am mentally going through all the things I need to do.

Despite my foot not feeling right, I ran a little time trial on Friday- that same one I did shortly after I was able to run again. I did it faster, even though I felt like I was struggling. It was hot, I was tired blah blah. The faster time made me happy. On the other hand, I can't put full weight on my foot, and that's not good. This occurred after one extremely intense PT session early in the week. In the session after that, I had one of those mini and unexpected meltdowns. I was trying to explain the pain, and next thing I know, I can't even speak and I've got tears rolling down my face. Once again, I was spending so much time and effort just getting through the days that I wasn't processing anything. Sigh.

I feel like I'm at odds with everyone. I've sort of been craving isolation, but also some company. Mostly I'm just craving some calmness. It was nice on Friday to go out with a friend for drinks, even though I'm a total lightweight and could only tolerate half a beer before feeling tipsy. I think I've had a total of 1 beer in the last year. I won't go into all the details of why I have stayed away from booze so much. There are a few reasons. Thursday was fun too. I guess the weekend was just tough, because I was doing too much and very tired.

Here's the big question: Should I rewrite my book......again?

It's funny; when I first wrote it, I was super stoked and thought it was pretty good. Then my agent told me to rewrite it and make it twice as long, so I did. I realized it was not as good as I thought, but it was my first attempt at writing. Plus, I finished it! It was better, but still full of mistakes and a bit disjointed. I gave it to a few people to read at this point, despite knowing it was far from what it was going to be with editing and rewrites. While I was having some editing being done on it, I was also adding to it. Giving it to others was a stupid move. I'm not sure why I did, but I guess I was trying to give people sort of the gist of it. After a few rounds of editing, it was better still, so my agent went for round two of submissions to publishers. That was a long time ago though, and after posting that little snippet in my blog the other day, I realize that I have grown a bit as a writer. I think it could be better. Actually, I kind of cringed reading it, knowing that it still needs editing. So, do I tell my agent, and hope that the market isn't completely saturated by the time I finish, or keep letting her shop it around and hope I can rewrite/edit it before it's published? I don't know. "Writing is rewriting" as they say, but is there enough time? 

Meanwhile, I'm supposed to be writing an article about the internal temperature of a fucking hard boiled egg, while my mind is drifting to my book. I wish I could get paid to write blog posts or work on my book. Sigh.

Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything, but I want this bathtub so badly!
It looks like a boat!

I think putting that thing in random places, just so I could sit in it and look like I'm going somewhere would be awesome.
While I'm at it, I would like the rest of my bathroom (even though I don't even have a house) to look like this- all by Villeroy Boch:
OMG! The toilet is like a fat little marshmallow! 
This is a company I love. I actually have a few cute little bowls by Villeroy Boch. In fact, I have this very one:
Love it!
Ok, I'm off to stumble through another day.

ETA:  M & I decided that the tub needs wheels and a steering wheel. That would be awesome! 


  1. Nice tub.
    If you rewrote it now, would it be forced? If you feel like it needs to be "better" then go for it. You posted a small piece of it, you could always post another one :)
    I guess you just need to ask yourself if you felt you said it all the first time or not, if you have more to say you, you know your answer.

    I've never wrote a book and I'm no the way...

  2. Thank you for the comment.

    I love the tub!

    I think I'm going to rewrite it. As I'm reading it again, I think it would be fine as is, but there are a few tiny little things that I could add. It's funny that you mentioned posting another excerpt, because I came across my favorite paragraph today. I think I'll share it in my next post. :)

  3. I don't think writers are ever really done rewriting. It's the only way to get better at the craft. Have you thought about joining a writers' workshop or writing course to get more external feedback? Would love to read more of it on here!

  4. Thank you! That's a good idea. I haven't done any kind of workshop like that.

    I decided to dive into it again! I'm making small changes- nothing too extreme. It needed it though. I will definitely share more! I was just about to do that, in fact. :)