The other day I saw a lady I know who is still struggling with severe anorexia. Truth be told, I'm surprised she is still alive given how bad her illness is, and I feel terrible that there's nothing I can do for her. There are times when I see her running, if one can call it that, that I want to tell her what a construction worker once told me when I was at my worst when he yelled at me to stop running and go eat something. How often does anyone expect to hear that? In this case, it's hard to comprehend how she can run at all. It's quite painful to watch, and she looks like she could break at any moment. As much as I can sometimes fret about not eating the right things, eating too much chocolate, occasionally thinking I don't look exactly right or complaining about my body in any way, I am forever grateful that I am no longer in the twisted nightmare of my illness. However I got spit out of the belly of the inferno, I'm glad I have landed in a new and better place. It's heartbreaking to know what this lady must be going though, and witnessing her compulsion, as she shuffles along on her strange little excursion, makes me uncomfortable. I wonder what others think when they see her dragging along. Is it the same reaction as seeing an alcoholic living in the streets, begging for change to buy more booze? I wonder. Either way, it's hard to miss how much the pull of addiction affects her judgment when she's so thin that she looks like a concentration camp victim, yet is still out running.
Part of the reason I'm amazed that she is still alive is I know that she has been living at this unbearably low weight for many years. For me, I was bumping along rock bottom for maybe 4 years, yet my organs had started to shut down and I was having seizures. Things were dire, and I can't imagine I would have lasted much longer had I not thrown myself into recovery. I really doubt that I was at a lower weight than this lady, but for whatever reason, my body couldn't take it. I assume most people's bodies would respond more like mine and would not be able to linger without proper nourishment. Somehow, she is defying nature in her survival, and I'm glad. I still have hope that she will one day be able to turn things around. Call me an eternal or maybe even an unrealistic optimist, but as long as she's alive, I believe she has a chance.
I'm trying to pretend I didn't just find out that there's a book out called "Running on Empty," but I did. I actually considered using this as a title for my book, but I didn't want to steal a very popular song title. Oddly enough, it doesn't look like there's any mention about running in the book. I won't go into all that I find wrong with this blurb, and I don't just mean that someone dropped an "I" somewhere in that first quote. Think she used Wikipedia much there? Ok maybe it was some free online dictionary, but the definitions are pretty much word for word. Fucking hell. I am pissed. It's not so much that there's yet another book published about anorexia, it's that there's another book published about anorexia that contains the same information as all the rest, and the very information that's already found online! Sigh, but good for her. I'm glad she got hers out there, and if another diary about someone struggling with an eating disorder helps someone, that's all that matters. I will say that anorexia is really not about wanting to look good. That might be one small aspect of it, but the illness goes much, much deeper than that. I hope that is not the main focus of her writing. All this aside, some of the reviews look good, and I suppose I should actually read the thing before I make any judgments about it.
The Pikes Peak race results are in, and there was a new age-group record set for women in the twenty-something category. In the ascent, Kim Dobson ran an incredible 2:34:07 (I know! Faster than my old time of 2:39-sigh), and woa- look at 46 year old Lisa Goldsmith running 2:50:55 for third place in the women! That fucking rocks!! Matt Carpenter won the marathon.
In unrelated news, my tummy has been doing strange things lately. I don't know if it's the Aleve I have been taking that seems to help my foot quite a lot, or if it's something else. Either way, I need to figure out a way around it, because my innards are not happy.
I'm a tad on the grumpy side at the moment, so I'll leave you with a video from my favorite band, mostly because the lyrics are touching me today.
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
Oh, I am on a computer where I can't seem to make comments again. I'm sure it's some kind weird glitch in the matrix, but I'm missing out on commenting on blogs and responding to comments lately! Poo. :/