I am PALE! I mean, I know I have always been pale, but weeks on end of biking inside have made me the color of a marshmallow. I need some sun. I also need some new clothes and some shoes to prepare for the summer. God, I can't wait to get some fucking shoes! Actually, it will be some time before I can think about fun shoes. Still, I'm eying a few styles that are cute, but hopefully not dangerous to the scarred up and still recovering foot. I'm thinking Clarks might be a nice compromise. I wonder if something strappy will cover up the scars enough. Hummm. Soon, I hope, soon. My wardrobe has suffered and has been tremendously limited throughout this ordeal, so it will be nice to be able to wear something other than running shoes. I did go without the brace for a longer time both yesterday and the day before. It's coming along slowly.
I may have found a partner in cheese exploits. I had coffee with a friend last night, and I was thrilled to discover that there's another person on the planet who has a passion for cheese. I sense an increase in dairy adventure in my near future. hehe
A good friend of mine and I were talking about people who claim that because they like food or like to eat too much, they could never be anorexic. We hear it all the time. I assume they don't quite understand the illness. I can imagine how much easier it would be to get over something like anorexia if it were merely a matter of making food more appetizing to the individual. Recently, an anorexic girl I know was pouring over food websites, looking at pictures of food she won't allow herself to eat. It was sad. My friend had a roommate in college who had a very severe eating disorder, and recently another one of her friends had a hard experience with her roommate when the girl confessed to having some intense food issues. It always makes me sad to know when someone else is struggling, and I often get concerned when people ask me for advice on how to help someone they know, which happened again recently. I have a good list of resources, but I sometimes fear it's not enough. Diane Israel and I are always open to receiving personal emails on the matter. I wish it were as simple as saying one does X, Y and Z to get over the illness. Unfortunately, it's not. I'm not sure what has happened to the ANRED website, but nationaleatingdisorders.org is still up and functioning. That's a really good place to start.
Throughout my blog, I have offered other resources, from books and movies to websites. There's a new book I have yet to read that got really good reviews called The Anorexia Workbook: How to Accept Yourself, Heal Your Suffering, and Reclaim Your Life. I am always surprised to find the book Wasted on the top of the list as a resource for eating disorders. I suppose it does give people a good idea of what the illness can be like, and it is well written. Other than that, it offers little to no hope, and ends on a terribly depressing note. I keep hoping I'll get word from my agent that a publisher is willing to take a chance on my manuscript. I heard from her again, and it looks like my book is making the rounds to several new publishers. As she keeps reminding me, it only takes one.
My PT was canceled again today. Seems to be a theme on Thursdays. This post is really short, but I have to get going on the foot exercises soon. The meds seem to be helping me sleep, which is good, and the edge has definitely been softened. Also time and distance always puts a different perspective on any situation. Things are looking up lately, so I'm in a good place, even though my head can get lost from time to time.
"Where is my mind?"
(original by the Pixies)
"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind." George Berkeley