Saturday, May 7, 2011

On farts and other strange things

After a few days of feeling exceptionally good, I have kind of crashed. A few days ago, I did another 20 minute run (I think I'm going to hit 12 miles for the week!), and I was able to keep up with a random running housewife for about 7 minutes on a trail. It didn't feel right to pass her, so stayed a few feet behind, breathing hard but enjoying the effort. I'm itching to run in general, but today I'm dragging a bit. Still, the thought of being able to get outside and move is a good one.  


I have said this in a different time and place, but I always come back to it. I can't fart and not laugh. I try really, really hard not to laugh, but I can't help myself. I also feel the need to announce their arrival, like some natural disaster is about to occur. Sometimes if they slip out unexpectedly, I feel the need to say, "Oh my god, I just farted." This prepares anyone standing near for the foul aroma that may waft in their general direction. I've only ever been comfortable farting around one person outside of the family. It's possible I will have to change my diet so that I never fart again, or learn to be more comfortable around others. I'm usually too embarrassed to fart in public, but it's amazing how many are dropped without my consent.I would almost rather implode than fart, but one can only hold them in so long. The other day, one escaped at work, and my coworker and I couldn't stop laughing about it. At first she thought it was someone walking by, but I admitted my failure to keep it inside, which made us laugh harder. Apparently, I have made at least a little progress in the farting in public department. Still, I would much rather avoid it if possible. A friend of mine used to insist that arguing naked would keep things from escalating. Whether he was speaking from experience, I can't be sure. I say add a fart in the middle of a fight and see what happens. Could this be the solution to world peace? I don't know.

Have at it- your own personal fart board: FARTS

Humor aside, a strange phenomenon occurs with many anorexics. It seems the more uncomfortable with the body one becomes, the more bodily functions become an embarrassment. An anorexic seems to want to take up as little space as possible in the world, go unnoticed and avoid dealing with the human body in general. Sounds emitted, fluids excreted and other normal functions of the body can become more than minor annoyances in the world of an anorexic. As part of recovery, I had to look at all the little things that came so naturally to others, and question why they would cause me such embarrassment. It seemed like I was embarrassed to simply be on the planet.

On an all together different note, I let someone get to me last night. Normally at work, I can detach emotionally and keep calm and rational even in the most extreme situations. For some reason, though I hid it well, I let this lady and her extremely arrogant son push my buttons. I assume my emotions are still a little raw and on the surface, and that might have something to do with it. However, it's rare that anyone is that rude, even though I joke about it happening in Boulder quite a bit. Mostly people are pretty nice here. This lady took the cake as far as rudeness goes. I actually stepped outside for some air after she left. All was fine, but I was upset that I got so upset over the situation. Still, I have to give myself a pat on the back for not getting into it with her, and ultimately, taking the high road was the right choice...flipping her off behind her back aside, which, I admit was childish. Oh but it felt good after having to smile and nod as she screamed at me about how she felt someone else should do things.

The lady on the phone pointing at things for me to show her was rude, but at least she wasn't mean. I'm wondering when it became OK to talk on the phone and interact half heartedly with others at the same time. Someone needs to come up with a good phone etiquette brochure. I see so many parents who ignore their kids while talking on the phone, as if this counts as quality time when the kid is moping behind the parent who is obliviously gabbing away. Well, maybe it's just me.

Ahh well- enough complaining for now. I better take advantage of the nice day outside. I won't go into the angry lady in the electric cart who chased me off the sidewalk right now. I'm just glad that my reflexes are still in working order. Sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and not have to deal with other people. Wheww.


  1. I often see the checked-out parent (typically on a cell phone, though often not) and neglected/undisciplined kid combo often where I work. I like Boulder Sports Recycler's policy of no cell phone use inside their building, period. I wish my employer would adopt that policy. Is it so difficult to step outside or pull the car over to answer/make a call or to read/reply to a text message? Do people who foist their side of a conversation on others (or, worse yet, use speaker phone and foist both sides of their conversation on others) like it when others do that around them? I have to wonder.

    Perhaps how those with an e.d. view bodily functions goes back to desire for control and perfectionism? Farts, etc. are simply part of being human and cannot be completely controlled. I worked with a guy (simply easily embarrassed) who would go find a remote corner of a storeroom to let his flatus fly. He also could not poop at work -- he tended to hold it all day or would trot across the parking lot to another business to go if he simply could not hold it any longer.

  2. I wish we would have a no phone policy at work too! What a great idea.

    Well, I can't say that I'm as embarrassed as the coworker you mentioned, but I am a bit shy when it comes to these things. Definitely the perfectionism could play a part.

  3. I love your blogs.... I've been so busy lately I got behind on them. This one made me giggle because I lived with a guy for seven years... And I swear, it was probably in the fourth year that he even knew I was capable of pooping... The only reason he knew I could fart was because I'm a heavy sleeper.... Hahaha! But this exact insecurity you are talking about is definitely wound around my own weight issues. Wanting someone to simply acknowledge my existence, yet being deathly afraid that someone will "NOTICE" me. You have a gift in your writing. :)

  4. Thank you so much, Jennifer! Hehe- I hear you on the farting and pooping aspects in relationships. :) I love what you say at the end about wanting to be acknoledged, but being afraid to be noticed. That's exactly it.