Thursday, June 21, 2012


"You can talk about the fight  through recovery, for your life.  You can talk about a fight you’ve had with  someone. With yourself. You can talk about fear of fighting with others, the  inclination to be reserved and avoid confrontation. The word “fight” can hold  so many different meanings depending
on how you look at

Fighting can make us feel alive and give us purpose. Anger is an energy, right? 

Another year came and went without incident. I used to celebrate each year around April 20th, the day I get sick with meningitis for the 2nd time in my life. I guess since I'm finally feeling closer to 100 percent, I forgot to celebrate this year, though I did make a mental note in April that I was glad to be alive. At the time, I was. People talk about fighting for your life during an illness. Hell, I've even used those words knowing it wasn't quite like that. I tend to live more by default, never fully making a choice one way or another to live or to die. Isn't that the way most of us live? Actually, the one time I made a choice to let go, I somehow survived, but it wasn't me truly fighting for my life. I suppose there have been times I stepped more fully into living, but the majority of my life I'm merely trying to make it from morning to night. This may sound quite depressing, but it's not like I have a big black cloud floating over my head all the time. I think more that when life isn't as picture perfect as one had hopped it would be, it's easy to dissociate, and when life becomes downright unbearable, either in terms of pain or suffering, it's tempting to want to check out completely.  However, most of us don't. One step at a time, we reach some level of mediocrity and stagger through our days at work, never really loving or outright hating what we do, falling into the safety of the same old same old each day. But then there are these brilliant moments that usually hit out of the blue that make everything from the mundane to the pain all worth it. 

This has nothing to do with the post, but I can't get this song out of my head. I'm not complaining about it. 

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