Monday, June 18, 2012


In the intro of my manuscript, I mention humor, or really how humor was lacking in my life. Obviously I didn't laugh much when I was anorexic. My life became very serious and dark, so letting out a giggle wasn't something I did often. It's not like I laugh all the time now, but there's enough freed brain capacity to focus on and enjoy more moments in my life. It was a big change when I could laugh again, and I knew I was in a better, healthier place. It's hard to imagine being so closed off to enjoyment like I was. I look at people struggling with addiction and feel such a sense of loss for them. It's easy to look at all their wasted potential and feel sadness for all they are missing, but I also understand how consuming addiction can be. First it runs your life, and then it becomes your life. In terms of recovery, I once heard someone say something like, "First my life got better. Then it got worse. Then it got real, and then it got better again." That's pretty much how it happened for me. 

When I initially jumped into recovery, things did seem better for a little bit. Then things got bad, really bad. All those stuffed emotions came up, and all my fears around weight and body image surfaced. I was on my own by this time, and I doubt a therapist could have helped much. In fact, I did see one again when my feelings felt way too difficult to manage, and he didn't offer much at all. He was the one who told me I would either stay sick or get well and hate my body. That's some great advice, no? Just what every anorexic wants to hear.  <----- inserting humor through sarcasm.                                            

Now that I'm in a better place, I often laugh, sometimes even at inappropriate things. Maybe that's not quite the way to put it. I laugh a lot more now, but I do have a somewhat dry or even dark sense of humor. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one to "rire en cachette" or take some kind of Roman Holiday. I know there are people who like to get their fix of Schadenfreude in life, but I can't say I'm among that crowd. That said, I have been known to be the critics critic and edit poorly written material with funny comments, simply because it's entertaining. I would never do this publicly or name names when doing this kind of thing, but sometimes I can't help myself. Take last night when I was watching a movie late at night after a few failed attempts at sleep. I think it was called nature's grave or something like that. It's a remake of an older film. Knowing I wasn't going to watch the end of the film (it wasn't very good, and I wanted to attempt to get at least a little rest), I started looking around for reviews and spoilers. I hit the jackpot on Amazon when it comes to poorly written reviews, one even claiming the wild and isolated beach surrounded by what appeared to be miles of untamed back country in the movie appeared "civilized and domestic."  After reading through and mentally editing a few reviews with a touch of snark, I found I wasn't getting a good play by play of the film. At this point, I switched to searching for spoilers and found something that really did make me laugh out loud. OK, maybe it was more of a giggle, but this is funny:

Unfortunately, I don't have the time today to put together my own interpretation of a bad film to make you all laugh, but I encourage you to read the blog post above. It's truly awesome. heh. I guess insomnia has its benefits. 

ETA:  hehe

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