Friday, June 15, 2012

Now

I was always a little confused with the idea that in order to be living in the now, you have to imagine what you want and manifest it. To me, that seems to be more like living in the future. Maybe they meant that you visualize what you want, and then when you get it, you can then sit back and enjoy it. I'm not sure, but something is fishy with that kind of thinking. I admit that once I became anorexic, I lived mostly in the future, planning meals, imagining my races and training sessions, and wondering if I would ever have a more comfortable life. If I wasn't thinking ahead, I was looking back, regretting mistakes and reliving tough times. There was very little living in the moment.

It sounds easy to be fully present, but it's actually a challenge for most of us. How often are we asleep at the wheel, barely aware of how we got from point A to point B, our minds a million miles away from the road? How many times have you eaten something while watching TV and reading the newspaper at the same time and then din't feel satisfied, despite feeing full? It's quite easy to be distracted, especially with the internet. Geneen Roth -- an author who offered me some true inspiration through her books, especially when I was struggling the most -- is big on being fully aware when we eat. It helps to learn what hungry feels like and how to detect when we are full. Too often people with disordered eating struggle to know the difference between hunger and feeling empty or feeling satisfied and feeling full. I'll add that feeling full doesn't have to mean feeling fat when we are more in touch with our emotions. Also, food tastes better when we are not lost in thought or miles away mentally.

I hate to say it, but I think some people use a skewed approach when it comes to the now concept and get away with mistreating others. Sometimes a focus on living in the here and now can allow people to avoid making commitments. It's a great excuse for some to say they're all about the moment, but I'm convinced that it's impossible to live completely in the now, unless maybe you're a monk living on a mountain top with everything from food to shelter provided for you. Those of us who work, have families or train in any way, usually need to think ahead at least a little. Unless you have the option to leave work and go eat whenever and wherever you like, run entirely the way you feel every day and not worry about packing lunch for kids the day before, it takes some planning to make sure you are properly prepared. Hell, even checking for rain to see if you need to bring along a raincoat is planning for the future, right?

I have to admit that I'm struggling with this one post a day thing. I guess I have a hard time getting my thoughts out when I'm a bit rushed. Apologies that a few of these posts are a bit of a sloppy mess. I do have two unrelated posts to throw in the mix this month, so the word of the day stuff might suffer even more, though I've got one of those posts ready to go right now.

An aside, I don't remember if I mentioned that I fell on the trails the other day. Talk about NOT being in the moment before I fell. I was very distracted and tired that day. Well, I guess when I hit the ground, I was pretty much living the the present. Ouch though. Then, yesterday my back was in spasm, so I didn't run. Actually, I was extra tired and my whole body hurt too. It's weird that I haven't put together much more than two weeks of consistent training in a long time. I was sick. Then, I took some time getting back into things, and then I fell. And THEN, my back had a conniption. Plus, there's just a lot going on that I don't really want to share on my blog. I'm distracted and tired and even depressed. There are some improvements though. It's not all bad. I was wondering why last year I was much more consistent and training more, despite the same pain level in my foot, and then it hit me.....


Being all stressed out is my new workout, I guess.

I think I had hope last year too. I didn't feel so defeated. I'm looking into a few new treatments, so I'm trying to have hope at least in the foot department. I see the Doc again at the end of the month.

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